Dear Brides and Grooms,
You are about to become husband and wife. Marriage is one of the best personal investments of your life. Research shows that married people enjoy greater levels of health, wealth and of course happiness. Now I’m going to help you protect your vital investment. Like anything else in life, it takes skills and education to be a successful wife or a husband, but most couples get their marriage licenses without having to pass a skill test. Would you like to learn how to create a marriage that grows, pays huge rewards, and lasts a lifetime?
In the next five minutes, you will read secrets which I normally spent three days or three months of coaching to teach my clients (and what I’ve spend the past 25 years teaching in person and on television).
The first thing couples in trouble say to me when they sit down in my office is, “we’ve grown apart.” But I want you to know that it is possible to grow together. In fact, couples who get qualified premarital coaching have two-thirds fewer divorces.
Here are the four secrets to growing your love over a lifetime: Insight, Skill, Action and Practice.
Insight – what do you believe about the most impactful aspects of your marriage – money, sex, and power? Whether you like it or not, we all form beliefs about life when we are children that then become hardwired patterns in our brains. The good news is that the brain is a programmable tool and you can change your beliefs. Follow these three simple steps.
- Write down what you learned about those three important areas – money, sex and power — as well as what you believe about women, men and love relationships. Hint: what was your parents’ marriage like? What are their beliefs in these areas? Take a look at your life; do you see patterns that you’ve been repeating? Nobody’s bad or good; we are just products of what we had a chance to learn.
- Take your old beliefs and change them to new positive beliefs that you want to see in your marriage life.
- Talk these over with your mate to build understanding and support to make these changes.
Skill – do you know how to talk things out to find solutions, prevent conflicts, and keep energy high and hot? In communicating about “touchy issues” or when you are upset, start with a soft open (i.e. I love you and I’m so glad we can talk things out together when we need to,) proceed to talk about how you feel with ‘I’ messages. Avoid ‘You’ messages, which tend to be blaming.
You might say, “I feel sad,” or “I feel hurt.” Then make a request such as, “would you mind helping me take out the trash?” Close softly by reaffirming your love and faith in your mate and your relationship.
Action – these actions are marriage insurance:
- Create a plan for your life together, set your intentions physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. How do you want it to look and feel in those four areas?
- Write it down and create action steps to achieve those goals.
- Get support. None of us can achieve our dreams alone.
Practice – You know practice makes perfect and the same goes with your marriage. Every single day you should take time to share and connect with your partner. Make it a point to take a class once a year and regularly read books to grow your marriage, money and parenting skills. This is why I created the annual Love, Money & Seva Summit – to help couples grow together.
The more you grow together, the more energy you replenish in yourself and the more love you will experience as a couple. Being of service to one another, family, friends and community is strong glue for a fulfilling marriage. Go to www.loveandmoneysummit.com for more information.
Dr. Brenda Wade regularly appears on CNN and NBC’s Today Show as a psychology expert. Featured on shows such as Oprah and Good Morning America, she hosted both the nationally syndicated Can This Marriage Be Saved? and the national PBS Pledge Special Power Choices. A regular contributor to Essence magazine and other major publications, she also hosts Black Renaissance on the CW network. Dr. Brenda facilitates exciting breakthrough retreats around the world and guides the international Power Coaches Program. Dr. Brenda has also authored four books: Power Choices: 7 Signposts on Your Journey to Wholeness, Joy, Love and Peace, Love Lessons, What Mama Couldn’t Tell Us About Love, and 99 Things You Wish You Knew Before Falling In Love.
Dr. Brenda founded of the Love, Money & Seva Summit which takes place every Labor Day weekend and the Power Coaches Program which provides holistic breakthrough coaching services internationally. Power Coaches use unique techniques to create immediate and lasting behavior change and help their clients to lead awake and powerful lives.