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Exercise, Relationships

Mindfitness

We can’t separate the body and mind. In order to lead a healthier life, it’s important to train both the body and the mind. This can be achieved through movement and breath using fitness and meditation.

I noticed as my clients were getting very physically fit, many were still stressed, anxious, having problems sleeping, depressed, not able to focus or concentrate and the list goes on. As I began to teach my clients about mindfulness and meditation and build them a daily meditation practice many of these issues improved.

I believe that stress is the root of many health issues and while physical exercise can help, it is only part of the solution so we must also address the mind. I’d like to share a few fitness tips and a meditation technique to help decrease your stress and give you greater clarity so you can begin your journey towards leading a healthier life.

shutterstock_592315520 - (S.Agrios)

To start with, write down a goal and action plan. Next, commit and reassess so you can make the appropriate changes depending on your results. Let’s say your goal is to get into better shape. Be more specific and make it measurable. For example, I would like to lose 10lbs, fit into size 8 pants, have a 28 inch waist, run a 10km race in 60 minutes, ride 100km on my bike etc.

If you decide your goal is to lose 10lbs then your action plan would be to do a variety of cardio exercises (walk, swim, bike, run, stairs, cross country ski etc.) and watch what you eat. If you don’t have a lot of time my suggestion is to do 30 minutes of interval training. The other key is to watch what you eat since you can negate all the calories you burned in your workout in less than 5 minutes by eating the wrong thing. Simply put, be clear on your goal and if your behaviour (action plan) helps you reach your goal then do it. If it takes away from your goal then don’t do it. Make sure you consistently use this as a check to keep you on track.

Often our emotions get in the way of our goals which is why it’s important to work with our minds. This is where mindfulness and meditation come in. If we are calm and focused we can respond better to a situation as opposed to reacting to it. We are clearer and able to come from a place of choice by accessing our neutral mind.

Close your eyes, breath through your nostrils into your belly for a count of 4 (belly gets bigger as it fills up with air), suspend / hold your breath for 4 seconds (make sure everything is relaxed on the held breath), exhale for 4 seconds (belly gets smaller), suspend / hold your breath for 4 seconds. Repeat this 4 times.

Inhale for 4 seconds

Hold / suspend your breath for 4 seconds

Exhale for 4 seconds

Hold / suspend your breath for 4 seconds

 


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Susan Agrios
Founder & CEO of Agrios Mindfitness

Susan Agrios is a former K-12 school teacher, an elite athlete with multi sport world medals, a fitness trainer and an internationally certified yoga & meditation teacher with advanced training in yoga nidra (guided meditation). With this unique background Susan dedicates her time to helping and motivating others to lead healthier lives both physically and mentally through fitness, yoga, and meditation. Working with schools, corporations, elite athletes and families Susan developed numerous successful programs: TIME OUT Mindfulness Kits & Trainings, Mindfitness Boot Camps and the Global Online Meditation Challenge. As well, she launched the first Agrios Mindfitness Triathlon (fitness, yoga and meditation) in Canada for thousands in schools. She leads retreats at conferences around the world. Over 9500 adults, teens and kids have taken her Mindfulness Challenge. Will you be next?

If you want to learn more about the body and mind, take a Mindfitness Boot Camp, Mindfulness Training or 40 day Mindfulness Challenge email Susan Agrios at sagrios@trainingbyagrios.com or go to www.agriosmindfitness.com

Communication, Money, Relationships

DREAM BIG

Now that you have committed to creating a life together, it is important to start planning for your future. What I encourage you to do, is take some time and sit down together and go through a discovery process.  Really sit with this and have fun! I call this Dream Building.

 

  1. Where would you really like your life to be over the next decade?
  2. How many children would you like to have?
  3. Will you be working from home or out of an office?
  4. How much money do you need to be earning monthly/annually each as a combined household income?
  5. How many revenue streams of income do you need coming into your family each month, to live the lifestyle you desire on your own terms?
  6. How many vacations per year would you enjoy having?
  7. Will you own your own home or rent it?
  8. How many homes would you like to acquire over the next decade?
  9. Will you have your primary home and a summer cottage or cabin in the woods?
  10. Will you get mentored over the next decade on how to buy real estate investment properties?
  11. Where would you love to live?

 

Take the time to write out, in specific detail, what you truly want in your life. When I first started practicing this exercise, I found that I had no dreams to write down. My mind would go blank, just thinking about it and I would begin to feel anxious. At the time, it was a challenge remaining present and giving myself permission to Dream Big. I had no idea how to get there and where to begin.

After doing this for many years and applying specific daily routines consistently, I began to notice things starting to come together and one by one, my dreams started to manifest themselves into reality.

One of the routines I love to do even today, is to drive around neighbourhoods visiting open houses. Go inside and look around these magnificent homes, even if they are way out of your price range. This one specific routine, done at least once a month, will help to expand your mindset to what is possible and will teach you to think in abundance and prosperity rather than lack and scarcity.

Today, I am glad to say, I am living an extraordinary life. I only wish the same for you. Go ahead, give it a try, what have you got to lose?

Remember, you only have one life to live and there is no dress rehearsal. If I can be of service to you, then please reach out to me.  You will be glad you did.


Darren Jacklin Biography Soft Photo

Darren Jacklin
World-Class Professional Speaker, Corporate Trainer, Investor

For over 22 years, Darren Jacklin has travelled four continents and personally trained over one million people in over 46 countries.

He has mentored entrepreneurs and business owners on specific and measurable strategies. These strategies have then been implemented into businesses to increase income, transform obstacles into cash flow and turn passion into profits.

Darren has an uncanny ability to increase wealth and success by uncovering hidden assets, overlooked opportunities and undervalued possibilities.

His talent has captured the attention of Tiger 21, The Wall Street Journal, Yahoo Finance, NBC TV, CBS TV, Global TV, international radio stations, magazines and newspapers, movie producers, best-selling authors, CEO’s and business experts worldwide.

Darren is also a featured as an international celebrity in the 2015 movie The Treasure Map.

Darren Jacklin currently sits on paid International Boards of Directors and Advisory Boards of public and private companies.  He has also personally trained over one hundred and fifty Fortune 500 companies such as Microsoft, AT&T, Black & Decker, Barclays Bank, as well as high school, college, and university students and lastly, professional athletes.

His experience has connected him with people in more than 130 countries. He is also the Co-Founder of Solaris Resort and Estates Ultra Luxury Private Islands.

Communication, Intimacy, Relationships

Five Fun and Unusual Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Continues to Thrive Beyond the Honeymoon

I implore my coaching clients to utilize the honeymoon phase of their relationship wisely to firmly establish a solid foundation for their relationship.  Create beautiful, fun memories and clearly express your vision for a shared future during this time; plus take the time to develop the skills needed to be the best partner you can be. The honeymoon phase is filled with an incredible chemistry of love. These chemicals are nature’s way of heightening all of your senses to emblazon loving memories in your mind, giving you energy and endurance to stay up all night together, and to make you single focused on your heart’s desire. Studies show that taking a marriage course, relationship coaching or counseling during the honeymoon phase will strengthen the longevity of your marriage. In fact, some studies show it can reduce your potential to divorce by half. The beginning of a marriage is the best time to establish what matters most and co-create how you are going to work together as a team to get to your end goal of “happily ever after.”

Here are five fun, albeit unusual, suggestions for keeping your relationship on the path to success for the long-run:

Your Nose Knows
Proactively use your sense of smell to reinforce a positive state of being tied to loving memories together. I use an exciting bit of scientifically proven chemistry called the Proust Phenomena  when I work to anchor my coaching clients in certain positive emotional states. Psychologists have demonstrated that memories triggered by smells can be more emotional, as well as more detailed, than memories not related to smells. They have deemed this effect the Proust Phenomena, after French novelist Marcel Proust recalling his vivid childhood memories after being triggered by the smell of a madeline cookie dipped in tea. When you inhale, odor molecules set brain cells dancing within a region known as the amygdala, a part of the brain that helps control emotion. In contrast, the other senses, such as taste or touch, get routed through other parts of the brain before reaching the amygdala.

Research around the Proust Phenomena suggests that memories triggered by smells are more emotional and evocative than memories triggered by other cues. Studies also show a particular emotional association to a smell can be created by repeatedly having that scent involved when experiencing a certain emotional state. One way I suggest using this to your advantage is to create a signature scent for your intimate moments together. Enjoy the journey of finding a certain smell that has no other strong associations for either of you. I recommend using an essential oil because it can be used in so many different ways —diffusing in the air, a few drops in a bath or on your sheets, or massaged on the body. Once you have found a scent that resonates with both of you, deliberately create an emotional state of being you want to achieve when you are completely present and connected in a loving state with your partner. Describe what it feels like and work to establish that connection as you diffuse the smell in the air. Use this scent each time for the next consecutive 28 times you are intimate. After it is embedded in your memory, your partner will be able to help you quickly connect with them by diffusing your signature smell. Even before you consciously smell it, your brain will be getting you in the mindset for love.

Wire Your Brains Together
As they say in neuroscience, “neurons that fire together, wire together.” Mental states become neural traits. Day after day, your mind is building your brain. Be mindful of how this affects your marriage and note that intense, prolonged, or repeated mental/neural activity—especially if it is conscious—will leave an enduring imprint in your neural structure. Armed with this knowledge, it’s up to you to reinforce as many of those shared pathways of neural rewards with positive feelings and loving memories.

Whatever you focus on is strengthened in your mind. A fun, love ritual that engages this phenomena is for you and your love is to set your phone alarms to go off at least once during the day in sync with one another’s alarm. When you hear the alarm, take a mental break from work, childcare or whatever else you were focusing on, if you are able to at that moment or shortly thereafter, for three minutes. Close your eyes, turn off your other mental chatter and concentrate on your partner. You could choose different themes for each day of the week; maybe on Mondays, it will be how much you appreciate your love and Wednesdays it’s a sexy thought. Have fun and play with the themes. You may want to text a little sweet something after your meditative moment or save the juicy thoughts till you reunite at the end of the work day.

Another way to wire together is to learn together. Find something that you enjoy and can be passionate about together. You could take on a big project like co-writing a book or teaching a class. Or it could be a smaller, easier to accomplish task of learning something about an upcoming art theater or cultural event you are going to attend and each study an interesting component to share. You could take up a new language of a country you plan to visit. Yet another fun activity could be finding a theme around your meals, co-create your menus and try cooking new things together. The possibilities are endless, get creative and brainstorm a list of what to tackle next.

Try to Win an Oscar Everyday for Best Kiss
“A peck on the cheek says, ‘I love you,’ but a 10-second kiss says, ‘I’m still in love with you!’” states Dr. Ellen Kriedman, PhD. A relationship that started with a lot of chemistry and romance, can over time become just a sweet friendship that lacks the spark of passion. So to keep your relationship passion-filled, create a contest with your love acting as if you are in a romantic movie of your choice and kiss like you intend to win an Oscar for your acting prowess. I recommend upping the time to at least 30-seconds. You could opt to make an impression to last the whole day through by planting one on your love first thing in the morning or jump start your transition from work-brain to relationship-brain by melting into your love at the end of the day. While you are studying which kisses to emulate, happily you will also be strengthening your relationship, lowering your stress and your potential to divorce.

A study, involving 174 couples, conducted by the University of Rochester found that an inexpensive, fun and relatively simple movie-and-talk approach to strengthen a marriage could be just as effective as other more intensive therapist-led methods—as it was shown to reduce the divorce or separation rate from 24 to 11 percent after three years. “We thought the movie treatment would help, but not nearly as much as the other programs in which we were teaching all of these state-of-the-art skills,” said Ronald Rogge, associate professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. Simply amazing and an easy bit of marriage insurance!

Keep a “Look Forward To” on the Horizon
In the movie, Hope Springs, Meryl Streep’s character, Kay hit the nail on the head when she said she knew her and her husband were in trouble when they no longer had any “look forward to’s” in their future. Your “look forward to’s” can be little things like splurging on a special ice cream or a nice bottle of wine to celebrate something together on your next date night or a big thing like an upcoming “trip of a lifetime” to Paris. Especially if quality time is one of your love languages then you truly understand just how special creating out-of-the-ordinary moments are for you and your partner’s togetherness. If something is on the horizon, you get to experience the positive body chemistry associated with anticipating something good is going to occur. Endorphin and dopamine stimulation happens when we experience and expect good things. Anticipating positive events sustains the output of dopamine into the brain’s chemical pathways. This chemical cocktail makes you feel good and links in your brain the good feeling with thoughts of your partner.

Technology makes this easy to create into a love ritual. With fun sites like Pinterest, you can co-create boards around upcoming trips, meals you want to cook, adventurous date ideas, or things you’d love to build or manifest together. You could also start putting together lists in a Google Document or via Evernote for things like: a remodeling project, weekend getaways, restaurants and wines you want to try, places to explore, books to read, movies to see, a bucket list of fun adventures you want to do together, and special ideas for upcoming anniversaries. Again the possibilities are endless, so make “look forward to’s” designed to establish special, memory-evoking memories a top priority!

Tap into Your Inner Investigative Reporter
By keeping yourself in a positive state of mind, you will be uplifting the overall state of your relationship. Studies have shown that the base happiness level in a marriage is tied to the level of the individual who is less happy. I would hope that knowing this might instill a desire to make an extreme effort to pull your partner’s spirits up daily by working on your own levels of happiness. Of course we all feel down or sad from time to time but overall, it’s important to strive to see the world with a glass half-full mentality for the long-term health of your relationship.

If you really want to keep the positive thoughts coming, make this a part of your daily ritual. Consistently ask yourself and your partner good, thought-provoking, open-ended questions around the topics of happiness, excitement, pride, gratitude, joy, commitment and love, you’ll find that you access your most empowering emotional states on a regular basis, and you’ll begin to create mental highways toward filling up your reservoirs of positivity. Co-create with your partner a set of questions you can ask at least once a week or better yet once a day when you sit down together over a meal or before you go to bed at night.

Remember whatever you focus on, you will feel and experience on a deeper level. If you focus on the problems in your life or what bothers you about your relationship, chances are you could come up with a long list of negative things and by concentrating on those, they will not only persist but appear to grow. If you concentrate on all the wonderful mutual goals you are committed to with your partner, you’ll find that you are both consistently moving toward the result you’re after. Armed with a set of beautiful questions, designed to expand your mind to the possibilities you can create, you will be focusing on growing what matters most in your lives together!

Design Your Happily Ever After in Big, Little Steps
I hope you take some, if not all, of these steps to heart as you move forward toward building a relationship that can weather any storm and bring you more joy and love than you could ever imagine. Drop me a line if you use these and let me know how they have influenced your life together. One last parting tip: keep a one line a day journal of your loving thoughts and joyful memories for they will be powerful anchors to look back upon over the years to come.


Joy Nordstrom

Joy Nordenstrom
MBA, CMM

Joy M. Nordstrom is founder of Joy of Romance Inc., a certified matchmaker, relationship coach, wedding proposal planner and special romantic event and vacation planner. Joy emphasizes making relationship maintenance fun, sexy and intelligent by educating individuals on a practical, scientific and passionate-based approach to maintaining their romantic relationships.

JoyOfRomance.com

Communication, Relationships

Love’s Daily Practice

A couple of years ago, Jodi, a client of mine who was working through cheating on her husband, told me something I will never forget.  She said, “I took off my wedding ring when I met up with the other man, but it still left a lighter band of skin on my finger.   I felt so guilty and awful the whole time and I finally broke off the affair when I realized that my marriage had left a deep mark, not just on my finger but on my heart.”

Jodi and Seth worked hard to get through that very painful time and ended up saving their marriage.  The mark Jodi identified on her heart was that she had developed an even deeper capacity for love and compassion than she had ever imagined.  As they worked on their marriage week after week for about nine months, they had to learn to experience and express compassion.  It sounds like something we’ve all heard about, right?  Compassion.  But what does it really mean and why is it so important to the health of a marriage, especially as the years pass?

Compassion is defined as a sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

I translate that as to be with the feelings of another.

Over time, we all know the “Take your mate for granted” syndrome.  Sometimes it sounds like “I’m too busy with work for date night” or “I’m too tired for sex” or the old “Let’s watch television and chill” instead of talking with one another.  This is what got Jodi and Seth into trouble in the first place.

Bit by bit the marriage loses the vital emotional connection that grew your love and brought you together in the first place.

Compassion conquers taking one another for granted by keeping you connected to your feelings for each other.  It’s important that every day you pay attention to your mate’s feelings as well as your own.  Think of maintain good love just as you would maintaining good health brushing and flossing each day, eating well, exercise and meditation.

Here are the four steps to creating lasting compassion and connection in your marriage:

  1. The Feeling Check-up
    Ask yourself: do I really know what my beloved is feeling today?  Take a moment and imagine what they might be feeling given what you know what is going on in their life and in your life together.  Then tell them what you are imagining and ask “Am I close? Please tell me more”

    Jodi had no idea Seth was working long hours because he was afraid they were not financially ready for a baby.  Instead she felt angry and cut off from Seth.  She had never imagined or asked him what he was really feeling.

  1. Good Love Daily Exercise
    You want your mate to feel loved by you.  Ask every Sunday morning “What can I do every day so you feel loved by me?”

    Seth had fallen down pretty badly in this arena because of this fear.  He had shut down and stopped doing the little things that made Jodi feel loved, like rubbing her neck or even kissing her goodnight.

    Tip: if it’s your turn to respond to the question, keep your response simple and positive. For example, “Thank you for asking. I love it when you rub my neck.”

  1. Good Love Vitamins
    If only Seth and Jodi had opened up and let one another in instead of going into their separate corners, feeding on anger and resentment, instead of this vitamin.  It’s Vitamin O- openness.  Openness and vulnerability are the keys to intimacy and require compassion for yourself and your partner.  For most of us, it’s harder to share our fears, flaws, heartache and pain.  We want to have others think well of us.  In a good love relationship, it is your relationship to take your daily dose of Vitamin-V (vulnerability).  Show your true self to your partner.
  1. Meditation
    This was the big turnaround for Jodi and Seth.  Even though they both created distance in their marriage, Jodi was the one who pulled the trigger by having an affair.  She had a hard time forgiving herself and Seth had a hard time forgiving her.  Forgiveness was crucial for both of them.  First they had to recognize what had driven them apart, then accept they were human and that all human beings make mistakes and that in a marriage, mistakes can make you stronger only if you learn from them and make changes.

What did they learn?  The practice of learning compassion.  Marriage is meant to change us, to leave its mark on us because we become better people when we learn the steps to good love.  Learn from Jodi and Seth because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, your Granny was right!  You deserve good love and it requires daily practice.

“Where your attention is, that’s where you are.  What your attention is on, is what you become”  
-Le Counte St. Germaine


Dr. Wade Image

Dr. Brenda Wade
Nationally recognized relationship expert, author, and trainer

Creator and founder of the Love, Money & Seva Seminars and Power Coaching and Training International, Dr. Wade ignites change and transformation in the lives of hundreds of thousands of people every year. Employing her unique blend of Psychology, Science and Spirituality, she has become “one of the most renowned psychologists in America,” earning numerous awards for her TV programs, best-selling books and breakthrough seminars and trainings.

Media: Co-hosting her first television show: HELP! at age 16, Dr. Wade has been transforming lives over the airwaves ever since. She hosted four national television shows, two in syndication, and two for PBS television. As a popular and dynamic guest expert on shows like Oprah, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and most recently, Dr. Oz and Dr. Drew, she connects with the audience.

Author: Dr. Wade, author of four ground-breaking books, including: 99 Things You Wish You Knew Before Falling In Love, Power Choices: 7 Milestones on Your Journey to Wholeness, Love, Joy and Peace, What Mama Couldn’t Tell Us About Love, and Love Lessons: A Guide to Transforming Relationships., (the latter two co-written with journalist Brenda Lane Richardson). He on-the-money, sometimes in your face advice, regularly appears in: Essence, “O”, Ebony, Ladies Home Journal, Jet, Heart & Soul and Bridal Fantasy magazines, and Huffington Post.

www.DrBrendaWade.com

Communication, Relationships

Giving Up the Need to Be Right to Have More Love

In her Ted talk from March 2012, University of Houston research professor Brené Brown makes a claim that vulnerability is the only way to create intimacy. “If we are going to find a way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path.” Indeed, closeness is the foundation for any relationship. But there needs to be a willingness from both sides to be open to that level of intimacy. Love is based on a decision to be extremely vulnerable with another person. Love doesn’t happen to you. You choose it.

As a recovering “need to be right” person, I grew up in an era and a home where “being right” was highly valued.  From my first days in school I saw that raising your hand and having the “right” answer meant you were smart. At home “being right” meant being loved for being smart. I was brainwashed into believing that when I was “right,” I was good enough to be loved.  Quite the ego boost! But that was about it. It certainly didn’t boost my long-term confidence.

As I grew up and matured, I found out there is something so much more important than being “right.” It’s being “loved.” I discovered that when I was committed to being “right,” it always meant making someone else “wrong.” As you know, feeling wrong does not go well with feeling loved.

Relationship expert and soul sister, Heide Banks, was pondering an old fight she had with her ex-husband after she asked him to buy her some iron supplements at the drugstore and he forgot.  She mentioned it to her friend Nat when she was asking him why he thought she was having such a difficult time with relationships.

Nat said: “One word: liquid iron.”

To which Heide replied: “That’s two words.“

“Exactly!” said Nat.

In a flash of a moment, Nat pointed out to Heide that her need to be “right” was getting in the way of her desire to be loved.

“I think that was the last time I corrected a man,” Heide shared.

Since that time, Heide is now happily in love with her soulmate and having the time of her life.

So many of us like to assume a rigid stance and “dig in our heels” to fight for our point of view and prove how “right” we are — often about some pretty stupid stuff.  The cost of needing to be right is hurting, harassing or humiliating the ones we claim to love the most.

Over the years I have finally learned to manage my mind and my mouth.  I’ve learned that most of the time it’s not necessary to “correct” anyone on what I think is right or wrong unless it’s really pertinent to someone’s well-being. Now, when I am smart enough to “catch” myself, and I am about to blurt out something in order to be “right,” I slap some imaginary masking tape over my mouth and choose love instead.


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Arielle Ford is a leading personality in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. For the past 25 years she has been living, teaching, and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is a relationship expert, speaker, and the producer and host of Evolving Wisdom’s Art of Love series.

Arielle is a gifted writer and the author of ten books including the international bestseller, THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction. Her most recent book, Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate (Harper One/Elixir) offers 16 simple, easy, and fun ways to reignite and stay in love, passion and respect to your relationship – no matter how many years it’s been since you first fell in love. With practical tools, techniques and actionable steps, this book provides everything you need to quickly create harmony and happiness on the path to a legendary love relationship.  For free chapters please visit www.ArielleFord.com

Arielle has been called “The Cupid of Consciousness” and “The Fairy Godmother of Love.” She lives in La Jolla, CA with her husband/soulmate, Brian Hilliard and their feline friends.

Relationships

Relationships in a Fast Paced World

We are now living in a society where everything is fast paced and a lot of distractions are present every day.  We have friends who are frequently requesting us to add them to our  social media accounts, we download apps on our mobile so we can connect with them faster and have more fun.  In fact, some of you who are reading this even met online through dating websites.

In one of my passions, I get to meet a lot of people from all walks of life from across the planet each year as I travel globally.  I am a big believer that success leave clues. So in putting this article together, I reached out to some close people in my my personal Rolodex who have been married for more than forty years and have also grown up in a different generation and have a lot more life experiences.

What I discovered during my interview with them was that their was a common theme between the three different couples: They all agreed that the secret to a long term and committed marriage were as follows:

● Keep excitement alive in the relationship.  Do things that you haven’t done before.  Think outside the box and think of ways to stimulate curiosity and excitement.

● Never raise your voice at your partner no matter how difficult or challenging some situations are.  There may be some disagreements but that is just the way  relationships are.  You just need to agree to disagree.

● Never go to bed mad at each other. I read in the good book that we should not let the  sun go down on our anger.  This simply means that the day should not end without  both of you fixing relationship issues or concerns.  Going to bed needs to always be a loving experience and not a depressing act.

● Become resourceful and find creative ways to take the stress out of your partner’s day to day life.  By doing this, you are freeing the relationship from unnecessary  burdens. There will always be challenges that will arise from your personal or professional aspect of life, and that will surely show and your partner will see it.  It is important that you deeply care and show that you got there back no matter what.

● Schedule technology breaks when in the house or when you are together ­there should be no technology that can distract or interfere your quality time. Remember, love is spelled as T­I­M­E and quality time does not always mean quantity of time but the quality of attention you give to your partner.

● Go outside the house and watch movies, shows, concerts, or take a walk in the park or do a hobby together.  This is also vitally important.  What’s important is that you are  able to do something together.  It’s not what you are doing but the memories you make as you do these things together.  This is what matters most.

● Read the book entitled  “The Five Love Languages” By Dr. Gary Chapman.  This is a “Must Read” for any relationship. This book will surely give you an idea on how you  can show your love to your partner in the language he/she will understand.

We are living in a crazy and fast world.  Everyone wants everything fast and it’s so easy to get distracted.  This is not how it works with relationship.  Relationship is built in time.  Relationship is like a time deposit where you invest now and earn later.  You have to wait until you reach a point where you enjoy the benefits of it.

Above are a few good suggestions that I have collected and I really hope that it can help you and your relationship.


Darren J

Darren Jacklin; World-Class Professional Speaker, Corporate Trainer, Angel Investor

For over 20 years, Darren Jacklin has travelled four continents and personally trained over one million people in over 45 countries.

He has mentored entrepreneurs and business owners on specific and measurable strategies. These strategies have then been implemented into businesses to increase income, transform obstacles into cash flow and turn passion into profits.

Darren has an uncanny ability to increase wealth and success by uncovering hidden assets, overlooked opportunities and undervalued possibilities.

His talent has captured the attention of Tiger 21, The Wall Street Journal, Yahoo Finance, NBC TV, CBS TV, Global TV, international radio stations, magazines and newspapers, movie producers, best-selling authors, CEO’s and business experts worldwide.

Darren is also featured as an international celebrity in the 2015 movie The Treasure Map.

Darren Jacklin currently sits on paid International Boards of public and private companies. He has also personally trained over one hundred and fifty Fortune 500 companies such as, Microsoft, AT&T, Black & Decker, Barclay’s Bank, as well as high school, college, and university students and lastly, professional athletes.

His experience has connected him with people in more than 128 countries. Darren Jacklin is also the Chief Executive Officer of AFS Superfoods Ltd.

DarrenJacklin.com

Relationships

A Lasting and Fulfilling Marriage is Possible with a Balanced Perspective

By Dr. John Demartini – Educator, human behavior specialist and author of numerous books including the title – The Heart of Love.   

“The biggest causes of marriage breakdowns are from idealisms and romantic notions. We are all looking for the perfect relationship, but as long as we set unrealistic ideals and project them onto potential partners, we will live in quiet desperation, feeling constantly  disappointed when they don’t live up to our perceived expectations.  These ideals often come from Hollywood movies and bedtime stories that end in “happily ever after.”  You imagine everyone around you is experiencing the fairytale, but you.

Women tend to fantasize about the knight in shining armor, or Brad Pitt.  When they end up with a regular guy with a beer belly, they sub-consciously punish him for it because he doesn’t match their fantasy. Men have their fantasies too.  She needs to look like the centre spread of Playboy and never grow old. However, going after this dream will cost him love if he stays and money if he goes. If we live by impossible fantasies, we’ll experience extreme emotional swings, instead of balanced love.

We also tend to look for a mate who is much like ourselves. But consider this: If two people are the same, one of them is not necessary.

“There are three types of relationships, but only one of them really works.  You’ve got the careless relationship where you project and focus on your own values without considering your partner’s. Then there is the careful relationship. This is when you think in terms of your partners values without considering your own. This relationship often feels like you are walking on eggshells. The third type is the caring relationship and is one where you communicate your values in terms of your partner’s values.

When we talk about values we don’t mean morals and ethics. We are referring to the things you hold most valuable in your life and your values are determined by your conscious or sub-conscious voids (what you perceive as most missing from your life).  In other words, you only seek money if you perceive you are lacking in wealth, you will put a high value on travel if you generally feel confined etc.  Fulfillment means filling full your perceptually empty voids.

The most successful marriages are ones that are balanced with equal amounts of support and challenge.  We need this equilibrium of positive and negative in order to grow and evolve.  It’s therefore crucial to understand that we all own and  display all personality traits such as generous and mean, kind and cruel, considerate and inconsiderate etc., in equal quantities.  Too often we expect our partner to be a one-sided being – only kind and considerate, but this will only lead to frustration, disappointment and withdrawal when your partner inevitably expresses the other side. It is wiser to ask the question “where do I have the trait I am judging my partner for” and “how does my partner expressing that trait benefit me in my daily life”? As long as you answer; I don’t have that trait and it doesn’t benefit me when they do it, you will begin to harbor resentment and get caught in a stance.  But as soon as you breakthrough the limitation of your perception, you will move into the dance, which will assist your marriage to grow in maturity and mutual appreciation.

Make a list of your highest values. It could be money, children, religion etc.  Then ask yourself how your values can assist your partner with their values and vice versa. When you distinguish how you are assisting each other with your dreams, you will feel a deeper connection and an increased appreciation for the one you are with.

Many people ask me what if the partner you are with is not your true soul mate.  While the answer ‘find a new one’ may spring to many a mind, I suggest there is no need to look beyond your existing relationship to find true love and fulfillment.

So the secret to a lasting and fulfilling marriage is – when you learn to love who you’re with, they turn into who you love.”


For more information on Dr. John Demartini, his products or seminar programs please visit: www.DrDemartini.com or email info@DrDemartini.com

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Relationships

Mastering Your Business Plan for Love

You searched, found love and are ready to profess your undying commitment to your partner. Congratulations! When you walk down the aisle, in front of your family and friends, you are creating a new entity – a “we” that needs to be cared for properly. Consider yourselves entrepreneurs who have just started a co-venture together.

This “we-ness” business could very well be the most important thing you do in your life. In the longest study of humanity to date, the Harvard Grant Study followed 268 male Harvard undergraduates from the classes of 1938-1940 for 75 years, collecting data on various aspects of their lives over regular intervals. George Vaillant, the psychiatrist who directed the study during it’s last 30 years, wrote a book about the findings called Triumphs of Experience. Overall the study showed that love is key to a happy and fulfilling life. As Vaillant puts it, there are two pillars of happiness. “One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”

Vaillant states the study’s most important finding is the one thing that truly matters in life are your relationships. A man could have a successful career, money and good physical health, but without supportive, loving relationships, he wouldn’t be happy. It has been clearly established that this we-ness is crucial to our happiness. An investment of time and energy is worth it for the rewards you will reap while raising a family, after the kids are gone, and long into your golden years.

So how do you proactively work on this we-ness business?

Seed or Launch Phase

First steps first, I know it sounds a bit wild but I suggest co-creating a marriage business plan. Essentially this involves creating a shared vision and mission of what your marriage means to both of you and establish a few of the initial objectives. Going into any venture without a clear idea of why and how to proceed is simply not smart and will set you up for failure. It’s the same with marriage. Before you get married, you have your own preconceived ideas of what a marriage is and what roles each partner plays. These may or may not be in alignment with your partner’s ideas. Don’t leave the destiny of your marriage to happenstance. Ask each other good open-ended questions about what your marriage should look like, sound like and act like. Study other successful marriages. Review the results of your research and decide what you want incorporated within your vision. Write it down and dedicate yourselves to succeed in these goals and dreams. Revisit and update your plan from time to time as you grow and mature in both your relationship and as individuals.

Start-Up Phase

The “honeymoon phase” is filled with excitement and backed up with a mix of good body chemistry including dopamine, endorphins, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine. Use this time and chemical cocktail wisely. You’re poised to be able to remember memories more vividly and have more energy with these love molecules in your body. Be creative when designing your quality time together. Along the journey, it’s important to document the good times by taking photos, having others take photos of you, putting them in photo books and picture frames, and looking at them often. Write cards and letters to document these good times.  This documentation will be crucial when it comes to overcoming the inevitable bumps in the road. And yes, they always do occur. In fact, if you aren’t having an occasional disagreement it’s a warning that you are a conflict-avoider which means you are at a higher risk of divorce. FYI: It doesn’t matter who you marry, studies show on average 69% of all marital issues stay with the couple through the lifetime of their relationship, according to the research of Dr. John Gottman, renowned researcher of marital stability and divorce prediction. So having visual references of just how great your relationship can be is part of creating a solid foundation.

Building Your Brand

When someone from the outside looks in at your we-ness what do you want them to see? In order to best navigate the road together, know your patterns and your partner’s patterns. Do you speak the same love languages? Do you prefer to think outside the box or do you feel most comfortable staying inside the box? How do you recharge your batteries? Is it by being in a quiet setting or with a group of people? What rituals do you as a couple have to keep connected and keep the romance alive? While studying your own patterns, check in to see if certain patterns work well in combination with your greater we-ness vision. When you see a misalignment, and if the certain trait or quality is changeable, then make the decision to work at shifting to a perspective that is more in tune with your mission. If it’s a pattern that is core to who you are and not one that can be shifted then discuss ways in which you and your partner can work with it. If it poses a consistent challenge it could be a part of the 69% of issues that will be a part of your relationship for its lifetime. If that is the case, see where you can inch a little closer to your partner’s perspective, utilize humor or agree to simply disagree each time it comes into play in your partnership.

Inflection Phase

Pause and look at what is working and what may need some tweaking.  Studies by Richard E. Lucas at Michigan State University have shown that the happiness boost that occurs with marriage lasts only about two years and then individuals return to their happiness “set point.” It is also important to note within a marriage the partner with the lower level of happiness tends to set the relationship’s overall “set point.”  As I see it, couples need to make a concerted effort to keep their individual happiness levels high. Taking care of yourself first is not selfish. It is necessary for the greater good of your relationship. If you are able to fill up your own “love cup” most of the way, to use Dr. Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages’ terminology, then the love your partner gives you will simply be the whipped cream topping off your love cup.

What can I do to ensure the continued success of our we-ness business?

Rapid Growth Expansion Phase

For a majority of couples this phase will include starting a family. Watch out because this is where you can slip into a routine, a comfort zone or simply a place of exhaustion. Thriving relationships do not run on auto-pilot. Also patterns you were conditioned with during your childhood, which may not be in alignment with the mission of your we-ness business, could now creep into play. Having a way of dealing with conflict before starting a family creates an extra layer of insurance against a decaying bottom line. I enjoy teaching couples something called The Rules of Engagement where they discover their own patterns, how those work in conjunction with their partner’s patterns and how to proactively discuss challenging subjects. Without these skills solidly in place, maneuvering with more elements and curve balls in the mix becomes a recipe for declining revenues.

Throughout all of your phases, but in particular during the growth phases, you will need to schedule several “business off-sites.” They are a way to recharge your batteries, check in with your partner, review your mission, make any needed adjustments in your approach and utilize the benefits of physical touch to reduce your levels of stress. In my coaching, I recommend the following recipe for your relationship’s success: five hours a week, one weekend a quarter and at least one week a year scheduled for just the two of you.

Steady Growth Phase

You should strive to be in a constant state of learning throughout your marriage. Learn new things together. Learn about yourself. Learn new ways to be your best in your we-ness position. Admit where your skills could be improved and strive to get the necessary coaching to improve. Study the competition, hire coaches or consultants. Implement what you learn. Course correct when necessary. Don’t rest on your laurels. It’s amazing how many people say the words “till death do us part” yet spend so little time becoming educated on how to be their best in relationship with their partner and how to co-create a thriving partnership.

During the steady growth phase, it’s pivotal that you mind the overall health of your we-ness. A study was done which involved 37 married couples.  Each person was given a vacuum blister on their arms after which they were asked to engage in conversation for 30 minutes. The findings showed that the couples who healed faster had an increase in oxytocin. “Oxytocin is a protective hormone,” said Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, the lead author of the study. The study concluded that better communicators had the highest levels of oxytocin in their blood samples.

Reinvestment in the Company

It’s worth it. Take care of yourself first, your relationship health second and then your family. Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology and author of The How of Happiness suggests asking yourself each morning, “What can I do for five minutes today to make my partner’s life better?” I’d take that a step further and encourage couples to become familiar with their partner’s love language as detailed in Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. Our time is precious. We must be loving, effective and efficient with our time together.

Annual Report

In my book, only boring people use the word bored. Challenge yourself to ward off hedonic adaptation, the act of becoming “habituated” to positive circumstances so the “good” is no longer seen as “that great” over time. Adaptation tends to creep in after the first few years of marriage. Fight it by becoming a perpetual student of surprise, creativity and spontaneity. If you adopt that type of passionate drive plus add a healthy dose of appreciation for your partner, you are sure to keep your “we-ness business” thriving, meaningful and positive.

While some of these steps may seem obvious, many married couples forget to put them into practice. The rewards of building your we-ness are priceless. It’s worth the time, energy and commitment. Keep this strategy in mind for the long-haul: Shared Vision + Shared Purpose + Passion to Be Your Best = A Successful We-ness. Now go celebrate your relationship’s success!


Joy M. Nordenstrom is founder of Joy of Romance, Inc., a certified matchmaker, relationship coach, wedding proposal planner and special romantic event and vacation planner. Joy emphasizes making relationship maintenance fun, sexy and intelligent by educating individuals on a practical, scientific and passionate-based approach to maintaining their romantic relationships.

Joy received an MBA in Entrepreneurship, and a BA in both Communications and Economics, with a minor in Psychology. All degrees are from Mills College in Oakland. Joy is a certified matchmaker from the Matchmaking and Behavioral Science Institute in New York City.

Joy coaches internationally via Skype and in-person locally in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is a new mother and lives with her fiancé and their son in Sausalito.

To learn more, visit www.joyofromance.com, follow @joyofromance on Twitter, become a fan at Joy of Romance fan page on Facebook, subscribe to the vodcast Intelligent Love: 411 for Men on iTunes and/or email directly at joy@joyofromance.com.

2269 Chestnut Street, Suite 330
San Francisco, CA 94123
415.602.1999
joy@joyofromance.com
joyofromance.com

Relationships

How to Keep Your Partner Interested

Written by Dr. John Demartini: Internationally published author, educator and human behavior specialist. www.DrDemartini.com

I was asked recently whether there was an explanation why husbands or wives stray. My answer was simple: Relationships may start out romantic, but they also remain utilitarian. Individuals are not loyal to other individuals, they are loyal only to the fulfillment of their own highest values (what is most important to them).

Everyone has a hierarchy of values – priorities –which determines how they perceive, make decisions and act upon the world. These values influence what they like or dislike, are attracted to or repelled by, what opens them up or shuts them down.

These values might be concentrated in a particular part of a person’s life or spread from their mental aspects to vocational, financial, family, social, physical and spiritual.

At the beginning of a relationship, a couple would normally balance each other’s unique values out. So if a woman values security, she will value a mate that brings business, leadership and financial empowerment into her life. If a man values beauty and influence then he would value a mate that brings physical and social power to the relationship.

But as the relationship matures, if one spouse begins sacrificing their highest values for their more empowered partner’s, there will be an imbalance. Where this becomes extreme, the relationship becomes stressed and vulnerable. Whoever has the most power (over-dog) often wants more freedom and may seek out alternative options. Whoever has the least power (under-dog) often wants more constraint and fidelity. Marriage and monogamy to them is generally a higher priority.

Someone who is empowered in most or all areas of their life is successful in their career, will have wealth, will be physically attractive; educated and articulate and generally considered a together person.
On the other hand, the spouse who has become disempowered, who abandoned their own career and financial independence, gave up on their dreams to opt for a dependency role when married; is going to experience an extremely polarized imbalance of empowerment in the marriage.  The ‘over-dog’ will start searching for a new partner or partners to balance out his or her own power levels.  That’s when it is wise for the ‘under-dog’ to stop injecting their partner’s values into their life and look into the mirror.

They need to reclaim a feeling of self-worth and re-magnetize their mate. When they value themselves; so do others. When they offer what is perceived as value, their mates stick around.

When a couple is more equally empowered, maintains and communicates fair exchange and has their values met equally at home, they will be less likely to seek others out of the home. Couples with a balance of overall powers keep each other in homeostatic check. This results in a more stable relationship. They experience only mild oscillations in their relationship dynamic which are not enough to motivate what society calls infidelity. As long as they are getting their values met they are less likely to stray.

So when people stray, it’s not because they are villains. It is because they are individuals with unfulfilled values seeking alternative options to fulfill them. The spouses or partners of these individuals are also not victims of some evil crime. They are simply receiving a wake-up call on how relationships work and how to empower themselves so they can offer greater value.  If a break up does occur this is not the end of the world. It is simply time to look at what the many upsides are and how to start empowering so as to offer more value.

For more information on Dr. John Demartini, his products or seminar programs please visit: www.DrDemartini.com or email info@DrDemartini.com. To receive your FREE GIFT, log onto www.DrDemartini.com/GetYourGift

Communication, Relationships

Fun Date Adventures

How about creating some more laughter and fun in your relationship this week?

It’s time to go Geocaching. What is it? It’s an outdoor recreational activity in which participants use a Global Positioning System (GPS) on their mobile phone to hide and seek containers, called “geocaches” or “caches”, anywhere in the world.

A typical cache is a small waterproof container containing a logbook where the geocacher enters the date and time they found it and signs it with their established code name. Larger containers such as plastic storage containers (Tupperware or similar) or ammunition boxes can also contain items for trading, usually toys or trinkets of little value.

Now just imagine how much fun you and your sweetheart will have learning more about each other and connecting deeper during this adventure. He gets to step up and guide and direct you while being the warrior and you get to surrender into the Goddess flow knowing that he is in control of taking you on this exciting and fun treasure hunt adventure. You can even spice it up and get creative with some romance along the way. Whoever finds the cache first gets to receive ten kisses or gets breakfast in bed one day this week or doesn’t have to take out the garbage. Get creative and have some fun.

According to Wikipedia Geocaches are currently placed in over 200 countries around the world and on all seven continents, including Antarctica, and the International Space Station. After 14 years of activity there are over 1.9 million active geocaches published on various websites. There are over 5 million geocachers worldwide.

Check out their website http://www.geocaching.com and go out and have some fun this week on your fun date adventure.


About Darren Jacklin

For over 17 years, Darren Jacklin has been mentoring thousands of men and women on specific and measurable strategies that they consistently use to increase their income transform their obstacles into cash flow and turn their passion into profits.
His uncanny ability to increase wealth and success by uncovering hidden assets, overlooked opportunities and undervalued possibilities has captured the attention of NBC, CBS, international radio stations, magazines and newspapers, movie producers, best-selling authors, CEOs and business experts worldwide.
Darren has personally trained over 130 Fortune 500 companies such as Microsoft, AT&T, Black & Decker, Barclays Bank, and numerous government agencies as well as high school and professional athletes from more than 36 countries.
www.DarrenJacklin.com