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Communication, Money, Relationships

DREAM BIG

Now that you have committed to creating a life together, it is important to start planning for your future. What I encourage you to do, is take some time and sit down together and go through a discovery process.  Really sit with this and have fun! I call this Dream Building.

 

  1. Where would you really like your life to be over the next decade?
  2. How many children would you like to have?
  3. Will you be working from home or out of an office?
  4. How much money do you need to be earning monthly/annually each as a combined household income?
  5. How many revenue streams of income do you need coming into your family each month, to live the lifestyle you desire on your own terms?
  6. How many vacations per year would you enjoy having?
  7. Will you own your own home or rent it?
  8. How many homes would you like to acquire over the next decade?
  9. Will you have your primary home and a summer cottage or cabin in the woods?
  10. Will you get mentored over the next decade on how to buy real estate investment properties?
  11. Where would you love to live?

 

Take the time to write out, in specific detail, what you truly want in your life. When I first started practicing this exercise, I found that I had no dreams to write down. My mind would go blank, just thinking about it and I would begin to feel anxious. At the time, it was a challenge remaining present and giving myself permission to Dream Big. I had no idea how to get there and where to begin.

After doing this for many years and applying specific daily routines consistently, I began to notice things starting to come together and one by one, my dreams started to manifest themselves into reality.

One of the routines I love to do even today, is to drive around neighbourhoods visiting open houses. Go inside and look around these magnificent homes, even if they are way out of your price range. This one specific routine, done at least once a month, will help to expand your mindset to what is possible and will teach you to think in abundance and prosperity rather than lack and scarcity.

Today, I am glad to say, I am living an extraordinary life. I only wish the same for you. Go ahead, give it a try, what have you got to lose?

Remember, you only have one life to live and there is no dress rehearsal. If I can be of service to you, then please reach out to me.  You will be glad you did.


Darren Jacklin Biography Soft Photo

Darren Jacklin
World-Class Professional Speaker, Corporate Trainer, Investor

For over 22 years, Darren Jacklin has travelled four continents and personally trained over one million people in over 46 countries.

He has mentored entrepreneurs and business owners on specific and measurable strategies. These strategies have then been implemented into businesses to increase income, transform obstacles into cash flow and turn passion into profits.

Darren has an uncanny ability to increase wealth and success by uncovering hidden assets, overlooked opportunities and undervalued possibilities.

His talent has captured the attention of Tiger 21, The Wall Street Journal, Yahoo Finance, NBC TV, CBS TV, Global TV, international radio stations, magazines and newspapers, movie producers, best-selling authors, CEO’s and business experts worldwide.

Darren is also a featured as an international celebrity in the 2015 movie The Treasure Map.

Darren Jacklin currently sits on paid International Boards of Directors and Advisory Boards of public and private companies.  He has also personally trained over one hundred and fifty Fortune 500 companies such as Microsoft, AT&T, Black & Decker, Barclays Bank, as well as high school, college, and university students and lastly, professional athletes.

His experience has connected him with people in more than 130 countries. He is also the Co-Founder of Solaris Resort and Estates Ultra Luxury Private Islands.

Communication, Intimacy, Relationships

Five Fun and Unusual Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Continues to Thrive Beyond the Honeymoon

I implore my coaching clients to utilize the honeymoon phase of their relationship wisely to firmly establish a solid foundation for their relationship.  Create beautiful, fun memories and clearly express your vision for a shared future during this time; plus take the time to develop the skills needed to be the best partner you can be. The honeymoon phase is filled with an incredible chemistry of love. These chemicals are nature’s way of heightening all of your senses to emblazon loving memories in your mind, giving you energy and endurance to stay up all night together, and to make you single focused on your heart’s desire. Studies show that taking a marriage course, relationship coaching or counseling during the honeymoon phase will strengthen the longevity of your marriage. In fact, some studies show it can reduce your potential to divorce by half. The beginning of a marriage is the best time to establish what matters most and co-create how you are going to work together as a team to get to your end goal of “happily ever after.”

Here are five fun, albeit unusual, suggestions for keeping your relationship on the path to success for the long-run:

Your Nose Knows
Proactively use your sense of smell to reinforce a positive state of being tied to loving memories together. I use an exciting bit of scientifically proven chemistry called the Proust Phenomena  when I work to anchor my coaching clients in certain positive emotional states. Psychologists have demonstrated that memories triggered by smells can be more emotional, as well as more detailed, than memories not related to smells. They have deemed this effect the Proust Phenomena, after French novelist Marcel Proust recalling his vivid childhood memories after being triggered by the smell of a madeline cookie dipped in tea. When you inhale, odor molecules set brain cells dancing within a region known as the amygdala, a part of the brain that helps control emotion. In contrast, the other senses, such as taste or touch, get routed through other parts of the brain before reaching the amygdala.

Research around the Proust Phenomena suggests that memories triggered by smells are more emotional and evocative than memories triggered by other cues. Studies also show a particular emotional association to a smell can be created by repeatedly having that scent involved when experiencing a certain emotional state. One way I suggest using this to your advantage is to create a signature scent for your intimate moments together. Enjoy the journey of finding a certain smell that has no other strong associations for either of you. I recommend using an essential oil because it can be used in so many different ways —diffusing in the air, a few drops in a bath or on your sheets, or massaged on the body. Once you have found a scent that resonates with both of you, deliberately create an emotional state of being you want to achieve when you are completely present and connected in a loving state with your partner. Describe what it feels like and work to establish that connection as you diffuse the smell in the air. Use this scent each time for the next consecutive 28 times you are intimate. After it is embedded in your memory, your partner will be able to help you quickly connect with them by diffusing your signature smell. Even before you consciously smell it, your brain will be getting you in the mindset for love.

Wire Your Brains Together
As they say in neuroscience, “neurons that fire together, wire together.” Mental states become neural traits. Day after day, your mind is building your brain. Be mindful of how this affects your marriage and note that intense, prolonged, or repeated mental/neural activity—especially if it is conscious—will leave an enduring imprint in your neural structure. Armed with this knowledge, it’s up to you to reinforce as many of those shared pathways of neural rewards with positive feelings and loving memories.

Whatever you focus on is strengthened in your mind. A fun, love ritual that engages this phenomena is for you and your love is to set your phone alarms to go off at least once during the day in sync with one another’s alarm. When you hear the alarm, take a mental break from work, childcare or whatever else you were focusing on, if you are able to at that moment or shortly thereafter, for three minutes. Close your eyes, turn off your other mental chatter and concentrate on your partner. You could choose different themes for each day of the week; maybe on Mondays, it will be how much you appreciate your love and Wednesdays it’s a sexy thought. Have fun and play with the themes. You may want to text a little sweet something after your meditative moment or save the juicy thoughts till you reunite at the end of the work day.

Another way to wire together is to learn together. Find something that you enjoy and can be passionate about together. You could take on a big project like co-writing a book or teaching a class. Or it could be a smaller, easier to accomplish task of learning something about an upcoming art theater or cultural event you are going to attend and each study an interesting component to share. You could take up a new language of a country you plan to visit. Yet another fun activity could be finding a theme around your meals, co-create your menus and try cooking new things together. The possibilities are endless, get creative and brainstorm a list of what to tackle next.

Try to Win an Oscar Everyday for Best Kiss
“A peck on the cheek says, ‘I love you,’ but a 10-second kiss says, ‘I’m still in love with you!’” states Dr. Ellen Kriedman, PhD. A relationship that started with a lot of chemistry and romance, can over time become just a sweet friendship that lacks the spark of passion. So to keep your relationship passion-filled, create a contest with your love acting as if you are in a romantic movie of your choice and kiss like you intend to win an Oscar for your acting prowess. I recommend upping the time to at least 30-seconds. You could opt to make an impression to last the whole day through by planting one on your love first thing in the morning or jump start your transition from work-brain to relationship-brain by melting into your love at the end of the day. While you are studying which kisses to emulate, happily you will also be strengthening your relationship, lowering your stress and your potential to divorce.

A study, involving 174 couples, conducted by the University of Rochester found that an inexpensive, fun and relatively simple movie-and-talk approach to strengthen a marriage could be just as effective as other more intensive therapist-led methods—as it was shown to reduce the divorce or separation rate from 24 to 11 percent after three years. “We thought the movie treatment would help, but not nearly as much as the other programs in which we were teaching all of these state-of-the-art skills,” said Ronald Rogge, associate professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. Simply amazing and an easy bit of marriage insurance!

Keep a “Look Forward To” on the Horizon
In the movie, Hope Springs, Meryl Streep’s character, Kay hit the nail on the head when she said she knew her and her husband were in trouble when they no longer had any “look forward to’s” in their future. Your “look forward to’s” can be little things like splurging on a special ice cream or a nice bottle of wine to celebrate something together on your next date night or a big thing like an upcoming “trip of a lifetime” to Paris. Especially if quality time is one of your love languages then you truly understand just how special creating out-of-the-ordinary moments are for you and your partner’s togetherness. If something is on the horizon, you get to experience the positive body chemistry associated with anticipating something good is going to occur. Endorphin and dopamine stimulation happens when we experience and expect good things. Anticipating positive events sustains the output of dopamine into the brain’s chemical pathways. This chemical cocktail makes you feel good and links in your brain the good feeling with thoughts of your partner.

Technology makes this easy to create into a love ritual. With fun sites like Pinterest, you can co-create boards around upcoming trips, meals you want to cook, adventurous date ideas, or things you’d love to build or manifest together. You could also start putting together lists in a Google Document or via Evernote for things like: a remodeling project, weekend getaways, restaurants and wines you want to try, places to explore, books to read, movies to see, a bucket list of fun adventures you want to do together, and special ideas for upcoming anniversaries. Again the possibilities are endless, so make “look forward to’s” designed to establish special, memory-evoking memories a top priority!

Tap into Your Inner Investigative Reporter
By keeping yourself in a positive state of mind, you will be uplifting the overall state of your relationship. Studies have shown that the base happiness level in a marriage is tied to the level of the individual who is less happy. I would hope that knowing this might instill a desire to make an extreme effort to pull your partner’s spirits up daily by working on your own levels of happiness. Of course we all feel down or sad from time to time but overall, it’s important to strive to see the world with a glass half-full mentality for the long-term health of your relationship.

If you really want to keep the positive thoughts coming, make this a part of your daily ritual. Consistently ask yourself and your partner good, thought-provoking, open-ended questions around the topics of happiness, excitement, pride, gratitude, joy, commitment and love, you’ll find that you access your most empowering emotional states on a regular basis, and you’ll begin to create mental highways toward filling up your reservoirs of positivity. Co-create with your partner a set of questions you can ask at least once a week or better yet once a day when you sit down together over a meal or before you go to bed at night.

Remember whatever you focus on, you will feel and experience on a deeper level. If you focus on the problems in your life or what bothers you about your relationship, chances are you could come up with a long list of negative things and by concentrating on those, they will not only persist but appear to grow. If you concentrate on all the wonderful mutual goals you are committed to with your partner, you’ll find that you are both consistently moving toward the result you’re after. Armed with a set of beautiful questions, designed to expand your mind to the possibilities you can create, you will be focusing on growing what matters most in your lives together!

Design Your Happily Ever After in Big, Little Steps
I hope you take some, if not all, of these steps to heart as you move forward toward building a relationship that can weather any storm and bring you more joy and love than you could ever imagine. Drop me a line if you use these and let me know how they have influenced your life together. One last parting tip: keep a one line a day journal of your loving thoughts and joyful memories for they will be powerful anchors to look back upon over the years to come.


Joy Nordstrom

Joy Nordenstrom
MBA, CMM

Joy M. Nordstrom is founder of Joy of Romance Inc., a certified matchmaker, relationship coach, wedding proposal planner and special romantic event and vacation planner. Joy emphasizes making relationship maintenance fun, sexy and intelligent by educating individuals on a practical, scientific and passionate-based approach to maintaining their romantic relationships.

JoyOfRomance.com

Communication, Relationships

Love’s Daily Practice

A couple of years ago, Jodi, a client of mine who was working through cheating on her husband, told me something I will never forget.  She said, “I took off my wedding ring when I met up with the other man, but it still left a lighter band of skin on my finger.   I felt so guilty and awful the whole time and I finally broke off the affair when I realized that my marriage had left a deep mark, not just on my finger but on my heart.”

Jodi and Seth worked hard to get through that very painful time and ended up saving their marriage.  The mark Jodi identified on her heart was that she had developed an even deeper capacity for love and compassion than she had ever imagined.  As they worked on their marriage week after week for about nine months, they had to learn to experience and express compassion.  It sounds like something we’ve all heard about, right?  Compassion.  But what does it really mean and why is it so important to the health of a marriage, especially as the years pass?

Compassion is defined as a sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

I translate that as to be with the feelings of another.

Over time, we all know the “Take your mate for granted” syndrome.  Sometimes it sounds like “I’m too busy with work for date night” or “I’m too tired for sex” or the old “Let’s watch television and chill” instead of talking with one another.  This is what got Jodi and Seth into trouble in the first place.

Bit by bit the marriage loses the vital emotional connection that grew your love and brought you together in the first place.

Compassion conquers taking one another for granted by keeping you connected to your feelings for each other.  It’s important that every day you pay attention to your mate’s feelings as well as your own.  Think of maintain good love just as you would maintaining good health brushing and flossing each day, eating well, exercise and meditation.

Here are the four steps to creating lasting compassion and connection in your marriage:

  1. The Feeling Check-up
    Ask yourself: do I really know what my beloved is feeling today?  Take a moment and imagine what they might be feeling given what you know what is going on in their life and in your life together.  Then tell them what you are imagining and ask “Am I close? Please tell me more”

    Jodi had no idea Seth was working long hours because he was afraid they were not financially ready for a baby.  Instead she felt angry and cut off from Seth.  She had never imagined or asked him what he was really feeling.

  1. Good Love Daily Exercise
    You want your mate to feel loved by you.  Ask every Sunday morning “What can I do every day so you feel loved by me?”

    Seth had fallen down pretty badly in this arena because of this fear.  He had shut down and stopped doing the little things that made Jodi feel loved, like rubbing her neck or even kissing her goodnight.

    Tip: if it’s your turn to respond to the question, keep your response simple and positive. For example, “Thank you for asking. I love it when you rub my neck.”

  1. Good Love Vitamins
    If only Seth and Jodi had opened up and let one another in instead of going into their separate corners, feeding on anger and resentment, instead of this vitamin.  It’s Vitamin O- openness.  Openness and vulnerability are the keys to intimacy and require compassion for yourself and your partner.  For most of us, it’s harder to share our fears, flaws, heartache and pain.  We want to have others think well of us.  In a good love relationship, it is your relationship to take your daily dose of Vitamin-V (vulnerability).  Show your true self to your partner.
  1. Meditation
    This was the big turnaround for Jodi and Seth.  Even though they both created distance in their marriage, Jodi was the one who pulled the trigger by having an affair.  She had a hard time forgiving herself and Seth had a hard time forgiving her.  Forgiveness was crucial for both of them.  First they had to recognize what had driven them apart, then accept they were human and that all human beings make mistakes and that in a marriage, mistakes can make you stronger only if you learn from them and make changes.

What did they learn?  The practice of learning compassion.  Marriage is meant to change us, to leave its mark on us because we become better people when we learn the steps to good love.  Learn from Jodi and Seth because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, your Granny was right!  You deserve good love and it requires daily practice.

“Where your attention is, that’s where you are.  What your attention is on, is what you become”  
-Le Counte St. Germaine


Dr. Wade Image

Dr. Brenda Wade
Nationally recognized relationship expert, author, and trainer

Creator and founder of the Love, Money & Seva Seminars and Power Coaching and Training International, Dr. Wade ignites change and transformation in the lives of hundreds of thousands of people every year. Employing her unique blend of Psychology, Science and Spirituality, she has become “one of the most renowned psychologists in America,” earning numerous awards for her TV programs, best-selling books and breakthrough seminars and trainings.

Media: Co-hosting her first television show: HELP! at age 16, Dr. Wade has been transforming lives over the airwaves ever since. She hosted four national television shows, two in syndication, and two for PBS television. As a popular and dynamic guest expert on shows like Oprah, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and most recently, Dr. Oz and Dr. Drew, she connects with the audience.

Author: Dr. Wade, author of four ground-breaking books, including: 99 Things You Wish You Knew Before Falling In Love, Power Choices: 7 Milestones on Your Journey to Wholeness, Love, Joy and Peace, What Mama Couldn’t Tell Us About Love, and Love Lessons: A Guide to Transforming Relationships., (the latter two co-written with journalist Brenda Lane Richardson). He on-the-money, sometimes in your face advice, regularly appears in: Essence, “O”, Ebony, Ladies Home Journal, Jet, Heart & Soul and Bridal Fantasy magazines, and Huffington Post.

www.DrBrendaWade.com

Communication, Relationships

Giving Up the Need to Be Right to Have More Love

In her Ted talk from March 2012, University of Houston research professor Brené Brown makes a claim that vulnerability is the only way to create intimacy. “If we are going to find a way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path.” Indeed, closeness is the foundation for any relationship. But there needs to be a willingness from both sides to be open to that level of intimacy. Love is based on a decision to be extremely vulnerable with another person. Love doesn’t happen to you. You choose it.

As a recovering “need to be right” person, I grew up in an era and a home where “being right” was highly valued.  From my first days in school I saw that raising your hand and having the “right” answer meant you were smart. At home “being right” meant being loved for being smart. I was brainwashed into believing that when I was “right,” I was good enough to be loved.  Quite the ego boost! But that was about it. It certainly didn’t boost my long-term confidence.

As I grew up and matured, I found out there is something so much more important than being “right.” It’s being “loved.” I discovered that when I was committed to being “right,” it always meant making someone else “wrong.” As you know, feeling wrong does not go well with feeling loved.

Relationship expert and soul sister, Heide Banks, was pondering an old fight she had with her ex-husband after she asked him to buy her some iron supplements at the drugstore and he forgot.  She mentioned it to her friend Nat when she was asking him why he thought she was having such a difficult time with relationships.

Nat said: “One word: liquid iron.”

To which Heide replied: “That’s two words.“

“Exactly!” said Nat.

In a flash of a moment, Nat pointed out to Heide that her need to be “right” was getting in the way of her desire to be loved.

“I think that was the last time I corrected a man,” Heide shared.

Since that time, Heide is now happily in love with her soulmate and having the time of her life.

So many of us like to assume a rigid stance and “dig in our heels” to fight for our point of view and prove how “right” we are — often about some pretty stupid stuff.  The cost of needing to be right is hurting, harassing or humiliating the ones we claim to love the most.

Over the years I have finally learned to manage my mind and my mouth.  I’ve learned that most of the time it’s not necessary to “correct” anyone on what I think is right or wrong unless it’s really pertinent to someone’s well-being. Now, when I am smart enough to “catch” myself, and I am about to blurt out something in order to be “right,” I slap some imaginary masking tape over my mouth and choose love instead.


imageedit_1_6272237002

Arielle Ford is a leading personality in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. For the past 25 years she has been living, teaching, and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is a relationship expert, speaker, and the producer and host of Evolving Wisdom’s Art of Love series.

Arielle is a gifted writer and the author of ten books including the international bestseller, THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction. Her most recent book, Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate (Harper One/Elixir) offers 16 simple, easy, and fun ways to reignite and stay in love, passion and respect to your relationship – no matter how many years it’s been since you first fell in love. With practical tools, techniques and actionable steps, this book provides everything you need to quickly create harmony and happiness on the path to a legendary love relationship.  For free chapters please visit www.ArielleFord.com

Arielle has been called “The Cupid of Consciousness” and “The Fairy Godmother of Love.” She lives in La Jolla, CA with her husband/soulmate, Brian Hilliard and their feline friends.

Communication

7 Ways to Say I Love You

In the glow of wedded bliss, deepening commitments, and the possibility of brand spanking new pans, silverware and candle holders ~ it’s hard to imagine that anything aside from forgotten table decorations, bickering in-laws, or perhaps an early new member of the family could possibly break the spell.

And you’d be right to feel this way. Newly wedded bliss is a pretty heady spell. It’s yummy and should be relished to the fullest. And who the heck wants to think about their work situation when a honeymoon in paradise is just around the corner? Not many. It’s a time of celebration, and so it should be.

Work stressors left unaddressed between two people can leave a taste of something not great that hovers right under the blissfulness of the wedding day and on into the first year as Mr. and Mrs. And that taste can taint an otherwise magical memory.

In an average year an average working man or woman will spend approximately ¼ of their 24-hours-a-day working. If someone gets laid off, or their hours get reduced, or they hate what they’re doing… that’s about 2,200 hours a year partially dedicated to “what do I do now?” and/or “get me out of here!” And guess where that stress ends up? At home.

Having a Plan B when it comes to unforeseen work changes or challenges is like knowing that your friend made it safely home after a long flight. It’s comforting. On some level in the brain it activates a sense of safety and when two people feel safe together and like they have each other’s backs, they have a pretty solid foundation.

I do want to acknowledge that it can be tough to shift out of that all-encompassing feeling of romantic connection and can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you to “Hey honey, what will we do if one of us loses or leaves our job?” So celebrate with a glass of champagne and some serious hands-back-on-each-other activity afterwards because having those conversations is an act of love.

Here are 8 ways to say I love you and win at the tough conversations:

  1. Set a date, a start and end time. Maximum two hours to begin. Don’t go over.
  2. Honesty: This is the time to share the tough stuff. If you know on some level that you’re not going to last much longer in your current career, now’s a good time to start figuring out what you’ll do.
  3. Respect: If eye-rolling, heavy sighing, or any other signs of no longer listening to and considering each other start showing up, take a break.
  4. End Goal: At the start, agree on the final destination. For example: by the end we want a clear financial back up plan that we build towards to cover any surprises that might happen.
  5. Action & Next Date: Design 2 or 3 action steps, assign them, and put another time on the calendar.
  6. Commitment: To not putting things off.
  7. Appreciation: Share 2 appreciations about your partner at the end of each date.

As you’re planning on being married for the rest of your lives, there’s a good chance that a work change will impact you or your partner. So play smart and be ready for it. And remember: Get help when needed. Doing it alone isn’t the best plan. But you already know that ~ that’s why you’re getting married!


Clara Chorley Headshot
Clara Chorley
is the founder of Clarity Unlimited. She has an extensive and unique international background as a Career Transition Coach, professional speaker and program management consultant for Africa-based humanitarian organizations. She has worked and travelled through 40 countries and 5 continents, is author of the best-selling book T.U.R.N: 4 Steps to Clarity in your Life and Career, TEDx presenter, and currently lives in San Francisco, California.

Communication

It Just Didn’t Work Out: 3 Myths that destroy love

How many times have you heard someone say “it just didn’t work out” when they chose to get divorced?

Or maybe you’ve heard my other favorite; “we grew apart”.  Right up in the top three is; “we fell out of love”. I’m so sorry but that is a crock of nonsense! There is no “IT”, and we don’t just grow apart, nor do we just fall in and out of love. Each of these crazy statements are part of a myth that destroys love.

For thirty years, I have trained, researched, studied and with the top scientists, experts and spiritual teachers around the world, to learn all I could about creating healthy passionate love. Why? Because I failed at love and made every mistake you can make and I was determined to learn better so I could do better in my own life and so I could share what I’ve learned with you.

As a result of years of hard work, I created Modern Love Training where I have now coached thousands of couples in our Programs and Systems; there isn’t space here to share even a fraction of the great tools or many breakthrough practices our students master, though I can tell you there have been many spectacular successes.  Here is one story to inspire you and give you a great start on creating your own lasting True Love.

One couple Tessa and Parker were on the brink of divorce because “it” wasn’t working out when they came to a Modern Love Training and quickly learned there is no IT! There are either two people willing to invest in a great marriage or not. They got to work and discovered the answers to the emotional and sexual distance in their marriage.

First, Tessa had been emotionally and verbally abused by her parents who yelled at her, called her names and caused an innocent child to feel worthless and unlovable. She loved her husband but couldn’t accept his love, so she shut him out emotionally and sexually. She said over and over “I don’t know why you bother”.

Second, Parker had grown up with a dad who traveled for work and a mom who covered everything in dad’s many absences. He thought women should be self-sufficient and men could go off and as he put it “do their thing” and all would be fine. He didn’t know how to help Tessa or get closer to her, so he did what his dad did just got more and more distant.

There are currently five “love labs” in the US researching what we do that breaks down our marriages and what we must do to build them stronger and stronger. Based on these findings I have created a system called the “True Love Daily 5.”

What Tessa and Parker learned:

  1. How to spot the “toxic Love” patterns they learned in childhood and how they used them in their marriage.
  2. How to identify and then share the feelings they experienced as children. Parker was surprised to learn how much he really missed his dad growing up. He wanted to be a more connected husband and father to the baby they were expecting.
  3. They both realized they hadn’t learned how to talk about their feelings or needs and instead shut down and shut one another out.
  4. They sealed the exits and made a choice to each take responsibility to create the kind of marriage they really wanted and wrote down exactly what they each wanted.
  5. They committed to practice “the True Love Daily 5”

Loving touch, hugs kisses and cuddling are golden

Express loving words, especially admiration and appreciation

Ask what do you need from me today to feel happy and loved?

Write a gratitude list every night of 5 things they are grateful for in their marriage and one another Do a spiritual practice together every day, pray, meditate, read from a holy book, watch a sunset or sunrise anything inspiring and uplifting counts.

Tessa and Parker aren’t the only who created the marriage of their dreams. We had another couple join our coaching program who had actually been divorced for five years. They said they had grown apart but still loved one another. My response was why don’t you put your time and energy into growing together? They did, and got remarried and are still living happily together.

Brides and grooms, if you are wondering what to do right now to create the deeply connected passionate marriage you want and how to keep it growing every year, here is my advice. Start now. Commit right now to a “True Love daily 5”. Take premarital training. Why? Because there are 50% fewer divorces for those couples that train ahead of time. That will save you time energy and money later, right? Then every year, get a tune-up; your marriage is at least as important as your car, right?

Take action now and I’ll send you a great wedding gift, “The True Love, Great Marriage Kit” It’s a live teleseminar with me as your coach! Just send me an email at:

love@docwade.com

Love and blessings, Dr. Brenda


Dr. Wade Image

Dr. Brenda Wade
Nationally recognized relationship expert, author, and trainer

Creator and founder of the Love, Money & Seva Seminars and Power Coaching and Training International, Dr. Wade ignites change and transformation in the lives of hundreds of thousands of people every year. Employing her unique blend of Psychology, Science and Spirituality, she has become “one of the most renowned psychologists in America,” earning numerous awards for her TV programs, best-selling books and breakthrough seminars and trainings.

Media: Co-hosting her first television show: HELP! at age 16, Dr. Wade has been transforming lives over the airwaves ever since. She hosted four national television shows, two in syndication, and two for PBS television. As a popular and dynamic guest expert on shows like Oprah, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and most recently, Dr. Oz and Dr. Drew, she connects with the audience.

Author: Dr. Wade, author of four ground-breaking books, including: 99 Things You Wish You Knew Before Falling In Love, Power Choices: 7 Milestones on Your Journey to Wholeness, Love, Joy and Peace, What Mama Couldn’t Tell Us About Love, and Love Lessons: A Guide to Transforming Relationships., (the latter two co-written with journalist Brenda Lane Richardson). He on-the-money, sometimes in your face advice, regularly appears in: Essence, “O”, Ebony, Ladies Home Journal, Jet, Heart & Soul and Bridal Fantasy magazines, and Huffington Post.

www.DrBrendaWade.com

Communication

Dream Building for Two

Remember when you were little and you wanted that favourite bike or Barbie doll?  You dreamt of what would be under the tree on Christmas morning or what your birthday present would be—not to mention who would be your secret valentine.

Somewhere within you, you’ve recognized a call to a greater life. It beckons you into a magnificent version of yourself, who you are capable of becoming and of how you really want to live. Dream Building is a creative and imaginative way of exploring and deciding what it is that you want in this life personally and professionally. As a child, you were great at Dream Building, in fact, for many of us, it was all we did. How many of us were chastised for daydreaming in class throughout our early school years. Dream Building was conditioned out of us until most of us could no longer do it. Well, there’s one advantage to being an adult and that is that you get to recondition yourself and tap into long forgotten and unused talents such as using your imagination to build your dreams.

Most people don’t know what they really, really want after college or university or after they graduate from high school. And if they don’t graduate, they may be lost and confused about the direction or path in their life. Why? It’s not because they don’t want to achieve more, it’s because they don’t know how or where to begin.

Let me tell you about a much more fulfilling way to achieve your dreams. There is a proven method for accomplishing more with less effort that most people miss. You can start by making some lists of things such as the places you want to visit, the people you’d most like to meet, the things you’d like to do within your lifetime, and maybe even a list of what you’d do if you won the lottery. Then you can start added pictures and images to make the vision a little real. You may want to do some online searches for most romantic destinations, romantic restaurants, dream vacations, top resorts, five-star resorts, and so on. There is no end to what you imagine. You can create a scrapbook, file, binder or build a book online. You may want to create a dream board or journey board to display somewhere where it will inspire you whenever you look at it.

My Master Plan for Life, which is what I call it, is a never-ending book I created online. I dedicate about 15 minutes a day to updating and adding to it. It inspires me, especially when I feel stuck, as yours will inspire you.

It’s never about the dream itself, but about the experience the dream brings, the happiness, the fulfillment of truly expressing ourselves, the love and connection we feel with others, the rich satisfaction of knowing we are making a difference in someone else’s life.

Always be expanding your mind to new possibilities. Whether you do this on your own or with your partner, you need to imagine it to achieve it.

Dream Building for Two is about creating and living an inspired life together. Remember you will always have support and challenge along the way so have fun with your Dream Building adventures and who knows where it will take you.


Darren Jacklin

World Class Professional Speaker, Corporate Trainer, Author

For over 16 years, Darren Jacklin has been mentoring entrepreneurs and business owners on achievable, specific and measurable strategies that they can consistently use to increase their income, transform their obstacles into cash flow and turn their passion into profits.

His uncanny ability to increase wealth and success by uncovering hidden assets, overlooked opportunities and undervalued possibilities has captured the attention of NBC, CBS, international radio stations, magazines and newspapers, movie producers, best-selling authors, CEO’s and business experts worldwide. Darren has personally trained over 130 Fortune 500 companies such as Microsoft, AT&T, Black & Decker, Barclays Bank and Air Canada, as well as high school and professional athletes from more than 36 countries.

Communication, Money

Career Satisfaction = Happy Marriage

Hands up if you’ve heard that money problems can cause the demise of a perfectly good relationship? Me, too. Oh, and been there, done that. Well, so can being miserable in your career – whether your job is street cleaner, social worker, mother or president of the entire planet. It doesn’t matter, your levels of satisfaction impact everything.

Let’s start here, with some of the reasons people go to work:

Group A:  Purpose – I love it!

Group B:  Stimulation – my brain gets a kick out of being utilized

Group C:  Money – pay check to pay check, or love having lots of it

Group D:  Boredom – got to fill the time somehow

Group E:  Habit – uhhh, do I have a choice?!

And some of the reasons people are unhappy at work:

  • It has never occurred to them that doing something they enjoyed and were good at was an option.
  • They lack basic communication and boundary-setting skills and therefore keep finding themselves in disempowering situations where they feel not trusted and under-appreciated.
  • They don’t know how to ask for what they want.
  • They don’t like the boss or co-workers.
  • The values of the organization clash with theirs.
  • They are uncomfortable asking for help from a coach or other expert, preferring to try and figure things out alone – and so it drags on…

The majority of people fit into groups C, D and E and spend 40 plus hours a week (over 50% of their weekday waking hours) being broke, bored or on autopilot. It’s no wonder people proudly sport t-shirts with “Living for the Weekend” and “T.G.I.F.!” on the front. Who wouldn’t want a weekend to come around if half their weekday life was spent partially comatose, drooling at a desk.

Sylvia came to see me for this very reason. “I’m asleep at work! I don’t like the people or the place, the job itself has okay moments but I’m really overwhelmed,” she was almost crying. “Worst of all it puts me in a bad mood and my fiancé, Tom, has just about had enough of me. I’m worried about the impact it’s having on my relationship but I’m too scared to make a change. There are no jobs out there and I don’t want to end up in the same situation – or worse! – again.”

As we talked, Sylvia slowly began to hear herself answer the hardest question ever asked; the question that most people have no idea how to answer… What do you want?

Sylvia had been so focused on her fears of losing Tom and how awful and powerless she felt on a day-to-day basis, that it hadn’t occurred to her until now to explore what she wanted. It turned out that during her 15-year climb up the corporate ladder of accounting Sylvia had been finding it harder and harder to navigate the politics, growing work load and increasing levels of responsibility. All her energy went into getting through each day, so when she arrived home at the end of the day she had nothing left to give and often opted for a glass of wine or television just to numb out from feeling bad. She was grumpy, had mastered the art of pointing out all of Tom’s flaws and things he hadn’t done, was often disconnected from her relationship, and the concept of waking up feeling joyful with an authentic smile on her face seemed like a pipe dream.

Raise your hand if you’re looking forward to spending the rest of your life with someone who’s miserable at the end of each day? Nope. Nor me. Career satisfaction plays a significant role in happiness levels. People who are unhappy at work are typically unhappy to some degree period, and coping behaviors such as drinking, eating, smoking, or Internet browsing are often present. Let’s face it, if you’re drowning your sorrows you’re probably not listening too well as your honey shares how her day was…

To be fair, the concept of doing a job you absolutely love and that causes you to expand your potential and connect to your purpose, is a fairly new phenomena. But having the communication and boundary-setting skills to make where you work right now more enjoyable, this is a basic. Everyone deserves respect and appreciation, plus the opportunity to do their job well. But sometimes you’ve got to ask for it. And this is what Sylvia discovered.

A job that seemed like entering the gates of hell on a daily basis, became one she enjoyed. Sylvia began to ask for the positive feedback she needed (she was getting plenty of ‘constructive’) and this increased her confidence; she began to proactively say ‘no’ to things that wouldn’t work for her, and to ask her boss for more notice on projects, so she felt more autonomous. In these small ways Sylvia chose to empower herself, and they made all the difference. It turned out that she didn’t really need a new job, she needed a new approach!

You’re probably wondering about her fiancé, Tom? Did she make the changes in time? How did it work out? Well… as her confidence rose at work, as she began to feel more respected and trusted, that authentic smile became a daily way of expressing her new found joy. And, no surprise, Tom loved that because it made him feel like he put it there.


Clara Chorley

Career Satisfaction Coach for Strong, Smart Professionals; Founder and CEO of Clarity Unlimited. She has an extensive and unique background as a Career Satisfaction Expert, business consultant and humanitarian.

Clara grew up in England, has lived in Germany; India; the Hawaiian Islands; Rwanda; and now resides in San Francisco, California. She has traveled and worked across 4 continents and 40 countries with organizations as diverse as Fortune 500 Ernst and Young, to humanitarian Millenium Village Project. Developed over two decades and 40 countries, Clara’s powerful 4-step process: T.U.R.N.™ has helped women and men around the world find satisfaction and fulfillment in their work (and therefore their lives). She is author of the book T.U.R.N.: 4 Steps to Clarity in your Life and Career, and creator of the online program: T.U.R.N. 4 Steps to Career Clarity for the Unclear Professional. An international speaker, Clara is a proud TEDx presenter, and currently lives in San Francisco, California.

Communication, Relationships

Fun Date Adventures

How about creating some more laughter and fun in your relationship this week?

It’s time to go Geocaching. What is it? It’s an outdoor recreational activity in which participants use a Global Positioning System (GPS) on their mobile phone to hide and seek containers, called “geocaches” or “caches”, anywhere in the world.

A typical cache is a small waterproof container containing a logbook where the geocacher enters the date and time they found it and signs it with their established code name. Larger containers such as plastic storage containers (Tupperware or similar) or ammunition boxes can also contain items for trading, usually toys or trinkets of little value.

Now just imagine how much fun you and your sweetheart will have learning more about each other and connecting deeper during this adventure. He gets to step up and guide and direct you while being the warrior and you get to surrender into the Goddess flow knowing that he is in control of taking you on this exciting and fun treasure hunt adventure. You can even spice it up and get creative with some romance along the way. Whoever finds the cache first gets to receive ten kisses or gets breakfast in bed one day this week or doesn’t have to take out the garbage. Get creative and have some fun.

According to Wikipedia Geocaches are currently placed in over 200 countries around the world and on all seven continents, including Antarctica, and the International Space Station. After 14 years of activity there are over 1.9 million active geocaches published on various websites. There are over 5 million geocachers worldwide.

Check out their website http://www.geocaching.com and go out and have some fun this week on your fun date adventure.


About Darren Jacklin

For over 17 years, Darren Jacklin has been mentoring thousands of men and women on specific and measurable strategies that they consistently use to increase their income transform their obstacles into cash flow and turn their passion into profits.
His uncanny ability to increase wealth and success by uncovering hidden assets, overlooked opportunities and undervalued possibilities has captured the attention of NBC, CBS, international radio stations, magazines and newspapers, movie producers, best-selling authors, CEOs and business experts worldwide.
Darren has personally trained over 130 Fortune 500 companies such as Microsoft, AT&T, Black & Decker, Barclays Bank, and numerous government agencies as well as high school and professional athletes from more than 36 countries.
www.DarrenJacklin.com

Communication

Getting CLEAR™ in LOVE: 4 Steps to Communicating What You Need & Really Being Heard

 

 

‎”You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don’t think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.

Tony Robbins: Speaker, Trainer, Coach

The decision about who you are right now, in this moment is the most powerful one you can ever make. And especially when things get tough. This decision will determine how to approach the one you love when a difficult conversation is needed, whether you choose to share the deeper feelings inside you – or keep them protected, and if you smile and make eye-contact as you cross paths. It’s the foundation for how you live your life. Think of the descriptive words you’d like others to use to describe you. Are you being those?

A friend once asked me: “What do you want on your grave stone? “I lived as safely as I could”? No. Not for me. And, I’m guessing, not for you.

On the easy days, love can carry us through almost anything. We look at each other and that blissful feeling takes the edge off the fact that the place is a mess. We seem to find the right words at the right time and, perhaps most importantly, with the right tone. We give more, we feel more confident; we’re heard, received and joyfully responded to. But what about the days that are more challenging – when you’re faced with the difficulties that come up in relationships and invite us to really think before we explode?

The question here is: How can you communicate what you need, and truly be heard? The answer is by practicing the skills of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). This skill is vital to a fulfilling intimate relationship. EQ is the ability to make rational choices during emotional times. Emotions are included and taken into consideration, but they don’t get to lead. For example: you’re furious, he’s late again and you wish it didn’t matter, but it does. You have two options: you can allow your emotions to rule and ‘let him have it’ when he gets home or you can learn a new way to inspire a behavior shift by practicing these steps:

Step.1 – BREATHE. Remember counting to 10 as a child? Count to 10 and breathe. Slowly.

Step.2 – Take a moment and choose Who You Want to Be. Commit to bringing your best self.

Step.3 – Find something, anything, positive about him. The cute heart shaped mole on his shoulder or the way he eats spaghetti.

Step.4 – Wait. Wait until you know you are able to start your sentence with some positive i.e.: “Honey, I know you’re working really hard and that you’re doing your best.” Always begin with letting him know you know his intentions are positive. If you can’t do this, wait until you can.

Step.5 – Start with the positive. Let him know what’s working and be very sure that you mean it. No saying stuff just to get to the next part!

Step.6 – Make the request for what you want. “When you’re this late, I feel disappointed. I miss our time together. I start to wonder if you want to spend time with me. What I want is for us to find a way for you to arrive on time, or adjust the time.” Whatever is at the heart of the matter, go deep enough to find it and bring it to the surface. Initially it will feel vulnerable to do so, but it’ll get easier with time and practice!

Step.7 – End with appreciation: “Thank you for hearing this. I love you very much. I know we’ll find a way to work this out.”

I did not say this would be easy but it is worth it. It works for both men and women. Of course, you’ll speak from your heart. The good news is that most of us have positive intention behind our actions. We just mess up now and then. But when the best of us is seen, loved and appreciated we start to perform better. We’re more willing to hear the feedback  and we’re more willing (and likely) to change our behaviors, when we’re feeling understood and accepted. As with anything new, it takes practice. So enjoy the process, let go of any need to be perfect, and be willing to be messy.


Clara Chorley is a humanitarian with a passion, a speaker with a mission and an international entrepreneur. She is the Founder of Clarity Unlimited, and grew this business to over 6-figures in less than 14 months. Clara has traveled and worked across 3 continents and 37 countries, and has created specific strategies to help move people towards professional and personal life satisfaction.

Clara believes that people need to go deep within their own personal selves and Get CLEAR™ about who they are and what they really want. It is when we are clear that we can step up to affect global, local and social change for the good.

In addition to being a successful entrepreneur, Clara Chorley has been a philanthropist and avid volunteer for over 15 years. She is the co-author of the book 15 Winning Ways to Better Living and has been featured in the documentary film “Achieve your Ultimate Success”. Clara has worked with companies as diverse as Fortune 500 company Ernst & Young in the USA; and humanitarian organization The Millennium Project (of The Earth Institute) in Rwanda, Africa. She is trained in Voice Dialogue and a member of National Speaker’s Association.

Please take a moment to email us at: info@ClarityUnlimited.com with your feedback and questions. We’d like to know what was valuable and what you’d like to see more of.

Clara Chorley, CEO & Founder of Clarity Unlimited, www.ClarityUnlimited.com, +1.415.592.0328