Monthly Archives

November 2013

Featured Couples

Interview with Deva and Miten

Please share your Couples Bio, including how long you have been together:

We met in 1990 in India – in the ashram of our guru, osho.

(Miten): I was coordinating the evening meditation music in the ashram. After we met we began singing together.

(Deva):  Although I was not a singer at the time, i had received classical music lessons from my mother, who was a classical musician and teacher. My father had chanted the gayatri mantra at my birth and consequently I chanted it all through my childhood as a bedtime song.
I was brought up in an environment where mantras and spiritual discipline were the norm.

(Miten): I grew up in London and worked in the music business as a singer/songwriter in the 60’s and 70’s, touring with Fleetwood Mac, Ry Cooder, Randy Newman and Lou Reed and recording with the Kinks.

(Deva):  For the last 21 years we have been traveling the world constantly (around 25 countries per year) sharing the healing power of mantra.

What I Love About The Energy Of Us:

Do you find that the passion and energy of your relationship translates into other things you do?

Well, first thing, we don’t consider our connection a ‘relationship’ in the usual sense – the bottom line for us is, that we are friends – this is our basic connection. Our focus is on an attitude of friendliness and respect – one that honours each other’s freedom of expression. We have found that it is very inspiring for us to live this understanding – of being free and supporting each other.

This gives us the opportunity to share the music and the mantras in a very open and straight, honest way. Which is important, because our concerts are not ‘performances’ as such, so we have the possibility (and challenges!) to share our selves, as we are, in the moment, on stage or off. This seems to inspire our audiences.

When you have an amazing relationship with a great energy, how do you feel that it affects your humanity and the energy you put out into the universe?

It has a positive effect. The mantras offer us all a doorway into a deeper sense of communion – with ourselves, with our loved ones, with mother nature, with life and essentially, with spirit.

What do you feel is the most important factor that has contributed to your successful relationship?

The most important factors are – the healing power of the mantras, the music we make together, and the guidance of our guru, osho.

What quality did you see in your partner that made you want to be with this person? Do they still have this quality?

(Miten): I remember the first time deva and i hugged – i was so blown away by a deep and profound sense of stillness – it was unusual for me, even then, to be in the presence of such an old soul. And yes, the stillness she carries still remains!

(Deva):  I was attracted to what i can only describe as his feeling of ‘universal love’ and, of course, I loved his music – it was played every night for the evening meditations in the ashram – his songs and his expression of devotion to the guru moved us all. And he’s so funny!

What kind of surprises and challenges have there been in your relationship?

The biggest surprise so far is that the past 23 years have been so amazingly free of challenges.

What bare-bones truth have you learned about your spirit that transcends all other matters?

Love is all

What is the best piece of relationship advice anyone ever gave you?

Well sting said it very well; if you love somebody, set them free.

How do you handle disagreements?

(Miten): She’s always right!

(Deva):  Disagreements come and go – quickly – they don’t seem to linger – and before we know it, the storm has blown over….

How do you keep your relationship exciting?

We sing together, we pray together, we make love together…we give thanks together. And we travel a lot, which keeps everything fresh and open.

What is the most romantic thing your partner has ever done for you?

(Deva):  He wrote a love song for me (till i was loved by you) and sang it on stage every night on our last USA Tour!

(Miten):  So many things, but the thing that turns me on most about deva, is her acceptance of me the way I am – to me, this is soooo romantic – and very nourishing for the spirit!

Advice For Other Relationships:

What is your definition of love?

(Miten):  It’s the love for yourself that you share

(Deva):  Impossible for me to define love….

What is the best relationship advice anyone ever gave you?

Don’t make it a relationship.

Relationships

A Lasting and Fulfilling Marriage is Possible with a Balanced Perspective

By Dr. John Demartini – Educator, human behavior specialist and author of numerous books including the title – The Heart of Love.   

“The biggest causes of marriage breakdowns are from idealisms and romantic notions. We are all looking for the perfect relationship, but as long as we set unrealistic ideals and project them onto potential partners, we will live in quiet desperation, feeling constantly  disappointed when they don’t live up to our perceived expectations.  These ideals often come from Hollywood movies and bedtime stories that end in “happily ever after.”  You imagine everyone around you is experiencing the fairytale, but you.

Women tend to fantasize about the knight in shining armor, or Brad Pitt.  When they end up with a regular guy with a beer belly, they sub-consciously punish him for it because he doesn’t match their fantasy. Men have their fantasies too.  She needs to look like the centre spread of Playboy and never grow old. However, going after this dream will cost him love if he stays and money if he goes. If we live by impossible fantasies, we’ll experience extreme emotional swings, instead of balanced love.

We also tend to look for a mate who is much like ourselves. But consider this: If two people are the same, one of them is not necessary.

“There are three types of relationships, but only one of them really works.  You’ve got the careless relationship where you project and focus on your own values without considering your partner’s. Then there is the careful relationship. This is when you think in terms of your partners values without considering your own. This relationship often feels like you are walking on eggshells. The third type is the caring relationship and is one where you communicate your values in terms of your partner’s values.

When we talk about values we don’t mean morals and ethics. We are referring to the things you hold most valuable in your life and your values are determined by your conscious or sub-conscious voids (what you perceive as most missing from your life).  In other words, you only seek money if you perceive you are lacking in wealth, you will put a high value on travel if you generally feel confined etc.  Fulfillment means filling full your perceptually empty voids.

The most successful marriages are ones that are balanced with equal amounts of support and challenge.  We need this equilibrium of positive and negative in order to grow and evolve.  It’s therefore crucial to understand that we all own and  display all personality traits such as generous and mean, kind and cruel, considerate and inconsiderate etc., in equal quantities.  Too often we expect our partner to be a one-sided being – only kind and considerate, but this will only lead to frustration, disappointment and withdrawal when your partner inevitably expresses the other side. It is wiser to ask the question “where do I have the trait I am judging my partner for” and “how does my partner expressing that trait benefit me in my daily life”? As long as you answer; I don’t have that trait and it doesn’t benefit me when they do it, you will begin to harbor resentment and get caught in a stance.  But as soon as you breakthrough the limitation of your perception, you will move into the dance, which will assist your marriage to grow in maturity and mutual appreciation.

Make a list of your highest values. It could be money, children, religion etc.  Then ask yourself how your values can assist your partner with their values and vice versa. When you distinguish how you are assisting each other with your dreams, you will feel a deeper connection and an increased appreciation for the one you are with.

Many people ask me what if the partner you are with is not your true soul mate.  While the answer ‘find a new one’ may spring to many a mind, I suggest there is no need to look beyond your existing relationship to find true love and fulfillment.

So the secret to a lasting and fulfilling marriage is – when you learn to love who you’re with, they turn into who you love.”


For more information on Dr. John Demartini, his products or seminar programs please visit: www.DrDemartini.com or email info@DrDemartini.com

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