Monthly Archives

November 2011

Exercise, Food

Feed Your Metabolism to Burn Excess Bodyfat

Over the past two decades, many of us have bought into the idea that carbohydrates give us energy, fat makes us fat, and protein—in excess—causes kidney damage. If the matter were this simple, you would think that we would have solved the obesity epidemic long ago. Such is obviously not the case.

When it comes to the way you presently look, feel, and perform, the foods and nutrients you choose to fuel your metabolism can make all the difference in how much energy you have and how much body fat you carry around. Let’s take a closer look at the three macronutrients—carbs, fats, and protein—to see how the right choices from each group can supercharge your metabolism.

The first rule of metabolic success is to avoid refined carbohydrates at all costs. Instead of consuming fibre-rich carbohydrates like organic fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, North Americans often substitute these foods with overly processed white- and cornmeal-based flours. Yet all these processed-carbs do is generate a hyper state of insulin release. Whenever we overly stimulate the hormone insulin, we end up causing our bodies to go into primarily a fat storage mode, all the while making it next to impossible for our metabolisms to use fat for energy. The key is to limit these health-stripping carbs and increase levels of high-fibre/high-antioxidant carbs, which research has shown can lower insulin and enhance our metabolism, which makes burning fat a whole lot easier.

Not all fats make us fat. In fact, research indicates that the right fats can actually enhance our ability to use fat for energy. These fats—called omega-3 fatty acids, found primarily in wild fish oils—are believed to exert their metabolism enhancing effects by blocking inflammatory messages produced by our fat cells. Researchers from the University of Texas have discovered that fat cells produce a number of inflammation-related molecules as well as the hormone resistin that is associated with insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes (two conditions linked to obesity). Essential fats can help control these metabolism-destroying molecules.

When looking to maintain or enhance your overall metabolism, the right proteins can make all the difference. Protein offers you the unique advantage of being the most thermogenically active of the three macronutrients. Thermogenesis is a fancy word for more heat, and the more thermogenic a food is, the easier it is for your body to burn fat. Aside from this, protein stimulates the hormone glucagon, which enhances levels of a metabolic enzyme called HSL that allows for continual fat release and energy production.

Along with short bouts of high-intensity exercise, choosing the best food sources of all three macronutrients is a simple way to fuel your metabolism and supercharge your life potential.

Metabolism-boosting foods
  • Metabolic carbs include: broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, celery, peppers, all leafy greens such as kale and chard, all berries, grapefruit, oranges, kiwis, and organic whole grains.
  • Metabolic fats include: wild fish oil, flaxseed oil, hemp oil, most seeds and nuts (within moderation), and extra virgin olive oil.
  • Metabolic proteins include: high-alpha whey isolates, game meat and grass-fed beef, free-run poultry, organic eggs, and hemp protein.

Brad King, MS, MFS, a nutritional researcher and award winning formulator has been touted as one of the most influential health mentors of our time. He is the author of 10 books, including Fat Wars, Beer Belly Blues and Losing Fat for Life. Visit him on Facebook @ Transforming Health with Brad King or on his website @ www.AwakenYourBody.com.

Relationships

Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice

  1. Appropriate Timing is Essential. Don’t ask a man to do something that he is obviously about to do. If he is going to the store to pick up those couple of needed items don’t ask him to go immediately. Timing is crucial. If he is focused on something at the moment don’t expect him to go right away.
  1. Have a Non-Demanding Attitude. Remember that a request is not a demand. If you have a resentful or demanding attitude, no matter how cautiously you choose your words, he will feel unappreciated for what he has already done and will probably say no to your request.
  1. Whenever Possible, Be Brief. Avoid giving a list of reasons why you need his help. Assume that he doesn’t need to be convinced. The more time you take to explain yourself the more his resistance will grow. Long explanations make him feel as though you don’t trust him to support you. What you don’t want is for him to feel manipulated as opposed to having your trust that he will indeed rise to the occasion and help meet your needs.
  1. Always Be Direct. Venusians commonly make the mistake of thinking that they are asking for support when to a Martian they are not. Often women will present a problem rather than directly asking for support. She expects that her man will offer his support without being directly asked. Here’s a good example of being brief and direct as opposed to being indirect. You don’t want to say, “We haven’t gone out in weeks.” To a man that’s not a request it’s a complaint that says, “You have been neglecting me.” Simply say, “Would you take me out this weekend to a movie.”  Don’t say “The backyard looks like a mess.” Rather state directly, “Would you cut the grass?” or “Would you rake the leaves?” Bottom line, you want to be sure that what you are saying is stated in the form of a request and not a complaint.
  1. Try Always to Use the Right Choice of Words. One of the most common mistakes in asking for support is the use of could and can in place of would and will. “Could you empty the trash?” is merely a question. “Would you empty the trash?” is a request. Women often come to a point where they become reluctant to ask for support because they have gotten responses like, “Don’t nag me,” or, “Stop telling me what to do.”

In spite of how it sounds to a woman, when a man makes this kind of a comment, what he really means is, “I don’t like the way I’m being asked.” Men don’t like a subtle approach, “Can you fix up the yard.” Of course they can do that. Rather they want to be asked to do it because you want it done. “Please rake and bag the leaves this weekend,” is a direct request. It’s not a plea, it’s not manipulative, it’s a simple and clear directive.

The more honest and direct you can be the more likely you are in all instances of getting the support you seek


John Gray, Ph.D. is the leading relationship expert in the world and one of the best-selling relationship authors of all time.

John helps men and women understand, respect and appreciate their differences in both personal and professional relationships. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance.  His many books, videos, workshops and seminars provide practical insights to effectively manage stress and improve relationships at all stages of life and love.

John’s books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages. His groundbreaking book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, was the best-selling book of the 1990s. It launched his Mars Venus book series that forever changed the way men and women view their relationships.

John Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 26 years, Bonnie. They have three grown daughters and three grandchildren.  He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice.

Communication, Relationships

How Failure Creates Happy Couples

“I’m so sorry, honey,” he muttered with slight embarrassment, “I thought you were being thoughtless and deliberately coming home late again.”

When our partners do something we don’t like it’s easy to bring up the other times this has happened and assume we’re being treated poorly. However, rarely are those who are not meeting our hopes and expectations doing so deliberately. They’ve just made a mistake. They’ve failed.

The times when people behave badly deliberately are usually motivated by hurt feelings or unmet needs; and honest, open conversations can get to the bottom of this. In relationships there has to be room to mess up, think about me rather than you, and have things happening in my life that get in the way of the promise I made to you. For trust and intimacy to deepen there has to be room for failure, followed by forgiveness.

SCENARIO

My intention is to be home for dinner at 6pm. On the way I notice I need gas and oh, I’ll get a bottle of wine to surprise the man I love, which means I roll in at 6:30. Late again. The other day I was late due to a work delay, and the time before that my friend Debbie called with an emergency, and the time before that I just completely spaced out. To me, these are all very different experiences. On every occasion I felt terrible, like I’d failed and did my best to get home as soon as possible. The man I love sees one thing: I’m consistently late and he’s feeling unimportant.

QUIZ

If you’re the one coming home late, what approach from the person you love would work better?

A) You walk in the door and they loudly say “I’m sick and tired of you acting like I’m not important.”
B) You walk in the door and they give you the cold shoulder.
C) You walk in the door and they walk out.
D) You walk in the door, they give you a big hug and ask gently: “What happened?! I know you’re doing your best to get home on time.”

Most of us would prefer option D. We’ve done our best and still failed, which feels bad. Having our good intentions acknowledged can lead to a much more enjoyable evening and give us room to be honest if we were being a bit thoughtless. Failure is normal and part of being human. We have to get things wrong in order to learn, and this applies to all of life. You’re destined to make some mistakes, whether or not you’ve done this before. The question is how do we embrace and get comfortable with owning our errors, and our partners’ mistakes?

 

The first step is the hardest, and that is to decide what type of friend/lover/wife/husband we want to be. Not because we ‘should’ be more forgiving, curious, and caring but because we want to be.

The second step is easier: ask questions, be committed to getting curious about why your partner did something, rather than deciding for them.

The third step is even easier: choose to believe what they share with you, be willing to step into their shoes and see the world through their eyes.

The final step is the most fun: Tell them you get it. You understand. And check in that they understand your perspective. It can actually be quite enlightening to sit together, see two sides and have both be true!

Failure becomes a great way to know each other more deeply, love more honestly, and experience greater acceptance. If that sounds good to you, then you’ll probably relish practicing the steps above. In the words of actor Will Smith’s grandmother: “Don’t let failure go to your heart, and don’t let success go to your head.” Ah, wise woman.


Clara Chorley is the CEO and Founder of Clarity Unlimited. She has an extensive and unique background as an international business consultant and coach, speaker, humanitarian, and explorer. Clara grew up in England, has lived all over the world but now resides in San Francisco. She has traveled and worked all over, helping increase the leadership effectiveness of a number of top tier companies. Clara believes that putting people first is foundational to the successful implementation of any organization’s vision. Developed over two decades, Clara’s powerful 4-step process: The T.U.R.N.™ has helped thousands of professionals transform counterproductive  behaviors into invaluable skills for greater clarity, focus and action. In addition to being a successful entrepreneur, Clara Chorley is been an avid volunteer. She is author of the book “The T.U.R.N ™” and has been featured in the documentary film “Achieve Your Ultimate Success”.  She is trained in Voice Dialogue, is a certified facilitator, and member of the National Speakers Association.

Money

Don’t Let Money Ruin Your Love

Meet Joshua and Kat. At twenty-nine I can hear the warmth of their love in their voices on the phone; these two are just three months away from their dream wedding. They described how every detail is planned to perfection, from the rich red rose bridal bouquet and accent colors to the song for their first dance as a newly wedded couple. They have invested time energy and money into the wedding but what about their marriage? Have they prepared for a happy future or are they gambling with their love and their future like so many couples?

During my “For Better” tele-seminar Joshua and Kat sounded almost confused as to why they are registered. “Well, his mother thought it might be a good idea.” Kat shared with the rest of the class a little bashfully. “It will put her mind at ease. I don’t think we really need this seminar” Josh adds .

As I begin working with the class on their ‘Love and Money Report Card’ it turns out, Joshua and Kat like a lot of couples have some seriously different views on money.

“Oh, but we love each other so we can figure all that out later, can’t we? It’ll work itself out.” Joshua insists.

Wrong! Failing to address the differences in your love and money patterns before the big day puts you and your partner on the fast track to a toxic relationship. Research shows that arguments over money are the #1 cause of conflict leading to divorce. Joshua and Kat’s laissez-faire approach to their obviously different financial attitudes are likely to get them into big trouble.

Do you want to know the best thing you can do to protect your love? Write this down and keep it handy, there are 50% fewer divorces for those who do premarital training; because when we learn better we do better.

Joshua and Kat continued their seminar over the phone for the next six weeks. Following are 3 of the secrets I taught them in my six-week “For Better”, pre-marriage tele-seminar. You can use them right now to keep your love and money growing healthy and strong!

  1. What is your money mental pattern? Ask yourself what was my mother’s favorite saying about money? What was your father’s favorite saying about money? We learn our money patterns from the adults around us when we are little. It turns out that Joshua’s mother always said in a very angry way, “do you think money grows on trees?” While Kat’s mom said money was meant to be enjoyed and she would go out on shopping binges and come home and hide the bags from Kat’s dad.  I’ll bet you can guess their patterns. Kat is super careful because she doesn’t want to be like her mom and is very controlling with money. Josh on the other hand avoids dealing with money, he doesn’t want to deal with it unless he is forced to.

    Now, write your belief about money down, does it match your parents’ beliefs, or did you choose to go the opposite direction? Opposite may be too far, as you will see when I give Josh and Kat their love and money report card.

  2. What is your money emotional pattern? Do you feel confident, or anxious, vague or clear about money, feel lacking or abundant? Our about to be married couple were opposites in their feelings, Kat felt confident and in control and Josh felt anxious and vague.
  3. What is your money communication pattern? How did your parents discuss money, openly, not all or it was a source of conflict? Joshua’s mom was a single mom with a lot of responsibility on her shoulders and his dad contributed very little. They were always in conflict as she tried to get dad to help financially. Kat’s parent’s never talked openly about money but quietly seethed, with her dad making cutting comments about her mom’s spending when it was time to pay the bills.

At the beginning of our 6 week seminar Josh didn’t want to talk about money and neither did Kat.

Here is Kat and Joshua’s report card when we started. The report card measures how much the patterns match and how much potential they have for conflict.

money mental pattern  = D
very different , high potential for conflict

money emotional pattern = C
opposites, he is vague and anxious and she is confident and controlling, high potential for conflict

money communication skills = D
neither of them wanted to talk about money, very high potential for unspoken conflict that will come out eventually, either in words or actions.

Why didn’t they just get Fs? Because they had the courage to register for the seminar and to do something proactive to build the skills they need to deal with money when they get married.

Ready for the Love and Money intervention?

Once you can see a pattern you can change it. First, I got Kat and Josh started by asking them to write the new love and money patterns they really wanted in their marriage. Second they practiced sharing their feelings about money in a safe and skilful way. They also practiced the love and money resolution steps which put love first and allow your joint money goals to support your love and happiness.

These tips are a great start to your pre-marriage work, but just like Kat and Josh who invested an hour per week for six weeks there’s much more to learn. Because there aren’t any classes that teach you how to prepare for marriage, I want to change that, and I’m going to start with you. As my wedding gift to you, I’m giving you the complete Love and Money Report Card to help you start your new life with the skills you need to be happy together. After you go to my website and take the free Report Card, I’m also going to give you the 7 Secrets to Creating Healthy Love and Money. Use these tools to figure out where you and your partner differ and then sign up for some pre-marriage training. It doesn’t have to be my “For Better” Seminars, just find one and be prepared for a lifetime of healthy love and money.

Blessings & Congratulations


Dr. Brenda Wade regularly appears on CNN and NBC’s Today Show as a psychology expert along with appearing on Oprah, Dr. Oz, and Good Morning America, she hosted both the nationally syndicated Can This Marriage Be Saved? and Power Choices. A regular contributor to Essence magazine and other major publications, she also hosts Black Renaissance on the CW network, as well as co-hosts Healing Quest on national PBS. Dr. Brenda Wade founded the Love Money & SEVA Seminars, creating exciting breakthroughs with participants around the world, as well as guides  the international Power Coaches Program. She is also a published author of four books.