Monthly Archives

December 2010

Communication, Money

Living an Inspired Life Together

Now that you have had or you are planning your perfect wedding day it’s time to plan to live a rich, full and delicious lifestyle?
I have an experiential exercise that I have taught to thousands of people in many countries all over the planet that has profoundly impacted many couples to live a prosperous and abundant lifestyle.
Here is what I would like you to do. I want you to sit down with your partner and use your creativity and imagination just like when you were a little girl or boy growing up. I want you to suspend any disbelief and thinking “how are we going to do this?” and “How will we create that?” and “Where is the money going to come from to pay for it all?” Just be like a little kid dreaming of bright and possible future.

I want you to think and feel where would you love to travel to on the planet and what would you love to see, feel, hear and experience; and start writing them down on paper. Map out the most inspiring places on the planet that you could possibly go and visit. Because when you surround yourself with things that inspire you then you will live an inspired life together.
Where would you like to go and explore across the planet? How about going scuba diving or snorkeling in Australia? Exploring the Great Barrier Reef? Planning a trip to go over to London, England and touring some of the old churches, museums and art galleries, Take a photo of the two of you standing in front of Big Ben, hopes on a train or a bus and going to explore the original statue of Michelangelo’s David which is located in the museum Galleria dell’Accademia in Florence, Italy. Then it’s off to hear the roar of the engines of the Monaco Grand Prix Car Race! This will definitely get your husband’s attention, feeling the power and sound of these engines.

How about taking a romantic dinner boat cruise down the Nile River for a memorable evening? How about going on an adventure to one of the most romantic Restaurants on the planet? It’s located in the beautiful Canadian Rockies. Imagine having lunch or dinner at Canada’s highest-elevation restaurant, the Eagle’s Eye towers above the Kicking Horse Resort in Golden, British Columbia. Diners take the ski gondola 1,200m (3,936 ft.) up to 2,410m (7,905 ft.) above sea level to reach this dining room with a 360-degree view of the nearby Rocky, Selkirk, and Purcell mountain ranges. This will be a “Mark the Moment” day. After lunch or dinner you can sit by the fire and read each other a poem or gaze into each other’s eyes and tell each other “The Gift I see in you is…” and the other person sits and listens and can only respond with “Thank you”.

How about planning a trip to the beautiful Sunshine Coast of British Columbia. Who knows – you might see a killer whale or two or some beautiful birds and sea life animals.
How about planning your second anniversary by going to Niagara Falls or to the top of the CN Tower in Toronto, Ontario? Dog sledding in Canmore, Alberta for an afternoon of fun, excitement and adventure? Planning a shopping trip to New York or over to Paris for a fun weekend getaway?

Think ahead and it’s now your fifth anniversary together – what about going to a Sandals Resort or a Club Med. If you have children try a Beaches Resort which is perfect for a family vacation.

Have you ever thought about traveling to Africa and going on a African Safari together and possibly experiencing up close and in person lions, cheetahs, tigers and giraffes? Have you ever wanted to go and catch a live show on the strip in Las Vegas or attend an opera or who is your favourite singer or band? How about getting tickets and sitting up close?

How about hiking the West Coast Trail on beautiful Vancouver Island. Have you thought about space travel with Sir Richard Brandon’s Virgin Galactic? How about attending a First Nations or Native American Sweat Lodge Ceremony or attending a traditional Pow Wow? Have you thought about going and seeing and experiencing a live hockey, football, soccer, wrestling, or golf game before. Would you want to go on a yoga or spiritual retreat someone or a silent mediation?

Deep inside our heart and soul, we have a purpose and we have dreams, visions and callings and inspiring places we would love to visit on the planet that we would love to bring into reality. But along the journey of creating our dreams we occasionally run into mental, emotional, or physical roadblocks. These roadblocks or chaotic hindering can arise from not having our life organized. So many people don’t plan to fail they just fail to plan. As you start to build your lives together it is important to have a direction of focus of where you would like to go in your lives. Remember relationships and life has its peaks and its valleys. It’s important that you create and live an inspired life together because over time if you decide to have children or already have children you want to be positive role models to your children. Let this exercise awaken you to possibility of creating and living an inspired life together.  Writing or typing is the first step in making intangible ideas become tangible realities. Masters of who create inspiring lives focus on the ever-finer details. No one will build your dreams for you. Dream building is up to you.  Write out where we would love to go on the planet. Clarity of vision and intensity of consistent action produces amazing results.


Biography of Darren Jacklin

Darren Jacklin displays his uncanny ability to increase income, wealth, and success by uncovering hidden assets, overlooked opportunities and undervalued possibilities has captured the attention and respect of NBC, CBS, Sharing Success TV, The Manifest-Station TV, authors, entrepreneurs and marketing experts world-wide.

For almost two decades, Darren has traveled the planet and dedicated his life to discovering the most advanced principles for producing specific and measurable accelerated results. As a World Authority on “Making Your Dreams Real” he has trained personnel from more than 130 Fortune 500 companies such as Microsoft, AT&T, Air Canada, as well as high school and professional athletes from more than 36 countries.

Darren is known around the world as the Mega Manifestor. Tell Darren what you really, really, REALLY want in your personal or professional life and he can show you how to get it! He has helped people to manifest dream jobs, relationships, joint venture partners, automobiles, vacations and so much more.

Darren is deeply committed to personally impacting lives. His goal is to reach and impact more than 100 million peoples’ lives each month.

Darren Jacklin
World Class Professional Speaker, Corporate Trainer, Best-Selling Author, Television Celebrity
1.415.592.0356 Office
1.888.423.5932 Toll-Free in Canada/USA

http://www.DarrenJacklin.com

Relationships

Learn to Love and Grow Your Marriage

 

Dear Brides and Grooms,

You are about to become husband and wife. Marriage is one of the best personal investments of your life. Research shows that married people enjoy greater levels of health, wealth and of course happiness. Now I’m going to help you protect your vital investment. Like anything else in life, it takes skills and education to be a successful wife or a husband, but most couples get their marriage licenses without having to pass a skill test. Would you like to learn how to create a marriage that grows, pays huge rewards, and lasts a lifetime?

In the next five minutes, you will read secrets which I normally spent three days or three months of coaching to teach my clients (and what I’ve spend the past 25 years teaching in person and on television).

The first thing couples in trouble say to me when they sit down in my office is, “we’ve grown apart.” But I want you to know that it is possible to grow together. In fact, couples who get qualified premarital coaching have two-thirds fewer divorces.

Here are the four secrets to growing your love over a lifetime: Insight, Skill, Action and Practice.

Insight – what do you believe about the most impactful aspects of your marriage – money, sex, and power? Whether you like it or not, we all form beliefs about life when we are children that then become hardwired patterns in our brains. The good news is that the brain is a programmable tool and you can change your beliefs. Follow these three simple steps.

  1. Write down what you learned about those three important areas – money, sex and power — as well as what you believe about women, men and love relationships. Hint: what was your parents’ marriage like? What are their beliefs in these areas? Take a look at your life; do you see patterns that you’ve been repeating? Nobody’s bad or good; we are just products of what we had a chance to learn.
  2. Take your old beliefs and change them to new positive beliefs that you want to see in your marriage life.
  3. Talk these over with your mate to build understanding and support to make these changes.

Skill – do you know how to talk things out to find solutions, prevent conflicts, and keep energy high and hot? In communicating about “touchy issues” or when you are upset, start with a soft open (i.e. I love you and I’m so glad we can talk things out together when we need to,) proceed to talk about how you feel with ‘I’ messages. Avoid ‘You’ messages, which tend to be blaming.

You might say, “I feel sad,” or “I feel hurt.” Then m­­­ake a request such as, “would you mind helping me take out the trash?” Close softly by reaffirming your love and faith in your mate and your relationship.

Action – these actions are marriage insurance:

  1. Create a plan for your life together, set your intentions physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. How do you want it to look and feel in those four areas?
  2. Write it down and create action steps to achieve those goals.
  3. Get support. None of us can achieve our dreams alone.

Practice – You know practice makes perfect and the same goes with your marriage. Every single day you should take time to share and connect with your partner. Make it a point to take a class once a year and regularly read books to grow your marriage, money and parenting skills. This is why I created the annual Love, Money & Seva Summit – to help couples grow together.

The more you grow together, the more energy you replenish in yourself and the more love you will experience as a couple. Being of service to one another, family, friends and community is strong glue for a fulfilling marriage. Go to www.loveandmoneysummit.com for more information.


Dr. Brenda Wade regularly appears on CNN and NBC’s Today Show as a psychology expert.  Featured on shows such as Oprah and Good Morning America, she hosted both the nationally syndicated Can This Marriage Be Saved? and the national PBS Pledge Special Power Choices. A regular contributor to Essence magazine and other major publications, she also hosts Black Renaissance on the CW network. Dr. Brenda facilitates exciting breakthrough retreats around the world and guides the international Power Coaches Program. Dr. Brenda has also authored four books: Power Choices: 7 Signposts on Your Journey to Wholeness, Joy, Love and Peace, Love Lessons, What Mama Couldn’t Tell Us About Love, and 99 Things You Wish You Knew Before Falling In Love.

Dr. Brenda founded of the Love, Money & Seva Summit which takes place every Labor Day weekend and the Power Coaches Program which provides holistic breakthrough coaching services internationally. Power Coaches use unique techniques to create immediate and lasting behavior change and help their clients to lead awake and powerful lives.


www.docwade.com | www.loveandmoneysummit.com

Intimacy, Relationships

How to Have More Fulfilling Relationships and How to Create More Love in Your Life

By Dr John Demartini: Human behavioural specialist, educator, internationally published author and sought-after authority on maximising human awareness and potential. www.drdemartini.com

Between positively and negatively charged particles is a center point of light. Between positively and negatively charged emotions is the center point of love. The center point is what every human being already is, yet elusively still seeks. True love is our ultimate objective, whether we’re aware of it or not. We may think we’re looking for something else, something material and fleeting, but even the pursuit of transient goals just leads us back to the truth of love. The purpose of all relationships is to dissolve the barriers that keep us from recognizing the love that already is and expressing the love we ultimately are.

We each have a hierarchy of values or priorities; from the things we think are extremely important, all the way down to the things we think don’t matter. Your priorities or values dictate your destiny. Anything that supports your highest values you call “good” and are attracted to; anything that challenges them you call “bad” and are repelled by.  Your values are based on the perception that something is missing, that a void exists. But actually nothing is missing, it’s just in a form you haven’t recognized.  You think you’re missing it; therefore, you seek it, and anything you think supports that search you call good and anything that challenges it you call bad. Our values determine the way in which we conduct our relationships.

There are three ways to conduct a relationship, and each one has an entirely different outcome.  A careless relationship is one in which you project and focus on your own values without considering your partner at all.  A careful relationship is when you think in terms of your partner’s values without considering your own…this one is called “walking on eggshells”.  Both are one-sided approaches that ignore the other person and create tension in the relationship.  But a caring relationship is one where you communicate your values in terms of theirs. You think of both sides simultaneously, expressing your love for yourself and each other. The definition of caring is knowing someone well enough to know their values and caring enough to express your values in terms of theirs.  Whenever something supports your values, you take away the rules, and when something challenges your values, you set rules. Nations do it, companies do it and you do it in relationships. You set up rules when your values feel threatened. Knowing both yours and your partner’s values assists you in mastering the art of communication. When you communicate with them, you want to make sure that you communicate what is important to you in a way that links with what is important to them. When someone takes the time to communicate in your values you are inspired to participate in the dialogue. When someone doesn’t communicate in your values, you switch off and the conversation becomes a monologue.

Often when we’re in a relationship, we unwisely think the other person is supposed to be like us but if any two people are exactly the same, one of them is unnecessary.  The purpose of a relationship is to teach us to love the parts we’ve disowned.  Each person has their own unique set of values and no two people have the same set.

Each person expresses love through his or her own values. A father who has a high value on education will express his love by purchasing his child a book containing information he thinks is valuable to learn. A mother who values beauty will show her love by helping her daughters or sons become more physically appealing. When we give gifts to people don’t we often give what we would most love to receive? When we honor our partner’s value system, we realize that we’re surrounded by love in forms we sometimes don’t even recognize.

So you are probably wondering how to identify yours and your partner’s values? Your life demonstrates what is truly most important to you. People will often tell you what they think is important but what they take action on every day is what is really important to them. We make time for what is important to us so if we value our relationships, we will sacrifice things that are lower on our priorities to spend time with the people we value. If however we value work and not relationships, then we will sacrifice relationships to spend our time working.

To determine your values ask yourself the following questions from The Demartini Value Determination Process™. When answering these questions, make sure your answers are what your life truly demonstrates:

  1. What do you fill your space with? Have a look at what you have in your office or in your home and see what you display in your most valued space.
  2. How do you spend your time? We always allocate time for things that are important to us so our days are divided up with our priorities. If something is not important we keep putting it off until tomorrow.
  3. How do you spend your energy? You always have energy for things that inspire you. Have a look at where you feel most vital and enthused in your day to day activities.
  4. What do you spend your money on? You will feel reluctant to spend money on things you perceive as unimportant. If something means something to you, you will always figure a way to pay for it.
  5. Where are you most organized? Everyone has areas of order and areas of disorder in their lives. The things that are important to you, you will spend time organizing.
  6. Where you are most disciplined and reliable? If something is important to you, you will be dedicated to doing it.
  7. What do you think about or focus on most? Your mind will always focus on the things that mean something to you. You may be distracted by a phone-call or a television program but your mind will constantly wander back to the area of highest importance.
  8. What do you envision or dream about most? What you envision and dream about will be in alignment with what is important to you.
  9. What do you internally dialogue about most (what you talk to yourself about most)? We all speak to ourselves and we dialogue internally about what is most important to us.
  10. What do you externally dialogue about most? Every person wants to communicate what is most important to them. If someone discusses something we don’t want to hear we will try to change the conversation to what is important to us.
  11. What are you inspired about most? We are inspired by the areas of life that mean something to us so if we value children, then we will be inspired by what children do. If we value business then we will be inspired by achievements in business.
  12. What do you set goals towards most? We will be willing to stretch towards goals that have meaning for us.

To discover what someone else’s values are, you just need to apply the same 12 questions and observe what their life is demonstrating. What do they talk about most, what do they spend their time doing, where are they most organized and disciplined, what do they spend money on and what do they fill their space with.

Once you know your values and your partner’s values, you have the key and potential to dissolving any tensions you may perceive in your relationship by simply asking how what they are doing is assisting you in the areas that are your highest values. Whenever you perceive that what someone else is inspired by supports your values, you open up to them. If you perceive that a person’s values challenge what is important to you, then you will resist them and want to change them to be more like you.

 The secret to a fulfilling relationship lies in your heart. You only require the courage to open it. Make sure you love yourself first.  If you’re not appreciating and loving the true you, it is probably not any easier for others to love you. For you to experience the affection that someone else has for you – warts and all, it is wise to cherish yourself fully. That means choosing to see yourself in 360 degrees with your unique expression of every character trait.  When you equally embrace your dark and light, your positive and negative, or both sides of your supposed duality, then you are ready to experience the truth and unity of love.  Remember, if you can’t love yourself, if you don’t value yourself and if you wouldn’t want to make love with you then how can you expect someone else to?

Dr John Demartini: Human behavioural specialist, educator, internationally published author and sought-after authority on maximising human awareness and potential. www.drdemartini.com

Communication, Relationships

Experiencing Spiritual Union

 

In an earlier age the poets and sages knew that falling in love is an experience of the Divine. When two people become enraptured with each other, they feel ecstasy and the delight of a timeless state of being. Any sense of isolation, pain or anxiety dissolves into the bliss. The Sufi poet Rumi expresses it beautifully:

“Lovers share a sacred decree –
to seek the Beloved.
They roll head over heels,
rushing toward the Beautiful One
like a torrent of water.”

In the past few centuries the spiritual dimension of love has gradually been lost, especially in the West. Modern psychologists tell us that falling in love is illusory and that romance is a “projected fantasy” we conjure up in an attempt to feel immortal and invulnerable. However, according to the ancient seers, all love is a spiritual path. In fact, love is spirit. When we’re in the romance phase of a relationship, we have a brief experience of who we really are – an expression of the Divine. Our sense of being separate, isolated individuals disappears and we know that we’re in inextricable part of an infinite universe.

Of course, wisdom tells us that the initial euphoria of infatuation fades away. But that doesn’t diminish the value of the experience. Falling in love is an opening and a chance to enter a state of timeless bliss. In this transcendent space we know that the entire universe supports us and always has. If we decide to take the next step and enter into a marriage with our beloved, we have the opportunity to deepen both our partnership and our experience of spiritual union.

Why We Get Married

There are many reasons people get married, but I think the best reason is because they deeply love each other and dedicate themselves to each other to fulfill a spiritual love and destiny that they could not attain on their own.
Many marriages are actually a way of forming a complete person out of two incomplete persons. When such marriages are successful — a tricky business, since it happens on a hidden, unspoken, sometimes unconscious level — the spouses can say “we are one person” and actually mean it. But the deepest union goes a step further and becomes a mutual partnership of two people who each want to be whole. This kind of marriage, a spiritual union, is about filling in our own gaps, growing to fulfill our individual potential, but with an intimate ally. Relationships become whole as we become whole.

Heart Meditation

One of the most powerful tools for deepening our connection to our spiritual essence and wholeness is meditation. There are many kinds of meditation practices, including the Primordial Sound Meditation practice taught at the Chopra Center. Here I wish to share with you a guided heart meditation. Read through the instructions then find a quiet place where you can sit comfortably by yourself for a few minutes and not be disturbed.

 

There is a center in the body where love and spirit are joined, and that center is heart. Within the heart is a subtler center that experiences spirit, but you can’t feel spirit as an emotion or physical sensation. Spirit lies beneath the layers of sensations, and to experience it, you must go to the heart and meditate upon it until everything that obscures spirit is cleansed. In the words of the mystical poet William Blake, you are cleansing the doors of perception.

As you sit comfortably with your eyes closed, just this moment let go of all your thoughts and the outside world. Focus your attention on your spiritual heart center, in the middle of your chest.

Be aware of your heart as a space. The heart center is a point of awareness where feelings enter. In its essence, the heart is pure emptiness, pervaded by peace and a subtle light. This light may appear as white, gold, pale pink, or blue. But don’t strain to find a light of any kind. All you need to feel is whatever is there.

Resting your attention easily on your heart center, breathe gently and sense your breath flowing into your heart. You may want to visualize a soft, pastel light or coolness pervading the chest. Let your breath go in and out, and as it does, ask your heart what it needs to say. Don’t phrase this as an order . . . just have the faint intention that you want your heart to express itself.

For the next five or ten minutes, sit and listen. Your heart will begin to release emotions, memories, wishes, fears, and dreams long stored inside. As it does, you will find yourself paying attention.

You may experience a flash strong emotion – positive or negative – or an ancient memory. Your breathing may shift. You may sigh or feel tears come into your eyes. Let the experience be what it is. If you daydream or drift off into sleep, don’t worry. Just bring your attention back to your heart center.

Whether your heart speaks to you in sadness or fear, delight or pleasure, its message is exactly what you need. If voices of anger, worry, or doubt start to arise, allow them to speak and then let them go, easily and comfortably. You are learning to be with your heart in order to heed its spiritual meaning.

As you practice this meditation, spending a few minutes each day to connect to your heart center, you will begin to get glimpses of your heart as it really is: silence, peace, a warm glow, or subtle light. Even if these glimpses are fleeting, you will find that your life outside of meditation is starting to change. At unexpected moments, you will feel a wave of joy and well-being sweep over you. You will begin to walk with more buoyancy in your step.

These are signs that the constriction most people hold around the heart center is releasing its grip, letting go of the fear and tightness that keep spirit from entering. In truth, spirit doesn’t enter since it is always there. But making contact with it is like being penetrated with light and insight; this is the flow of love.  This is the experience of wholeness.


DEEPAK CHOPRA, M.D.
Co-founder of the Chopra Center for Wellbeing

Recognized as one of the world’s foremost leaders in the field of mind-body medicine, Deepak Chopra, M.D. is a best-selling author, teacher, and co-founder of the Chopra Center for Wellbeing. Nestled in the lush, coastal setting of Carlsbad, California, the Chopra Center offers a wide variety of retreats and workshops that fuse the healing arts of the East with the best in modern Western medicine.

Each year Deepak and the Chopra Center staff travel to beautiful locations throughout the world to lead signature events including the classic meditation retreat, Seduction of Spirit; the self-empowerment workshop, SynchroDestiny; and the Journey into Healing mind-body workshop. For more information, visit chopra.com or call 760.494.1639.

Money

Married & Moving Forward

Match Your  Dreams to Reality

Psychologists have identified a phenomenon that’s probably been around as long as the Jack & Jill but hasn’t been talked about much: The Post-wedding Blues.  After the frantic build-up to the big day, the let-down can be huge, particularly for brides.  If you’ve been managing a team of service providers, coordinating a b’zillion details and spending like there’s no tomorrow, the day after can seem like the big fizzle.

Now it’s time to get down to the business of life. And if you want that life to be fabulous, you have to come to terms with your reality. While it’s wonderful to dream that you could make every day your wedding day where everyone does your bidding and money isn’t top of mind, it’s time to grow up and get real.

The only way you’ll be able to create a life that is satisfying and magical – yes, there is magic still to come – is to set some realistic expectations. Don’t just pull wishes out of the air and then hope that you can make them come true. “I want to own my own McMansion by this time next year” may be a little bigger bite than you can chew.  Instead, figure out what you really, really want, prioritize your goals and then create the plan to make it all come to pass.

Whether you want to own your own home, start a family or go into business for yourself, you need to break your goal down into manageable steps. Step #1: Talk to your partner. Now that you’re part of a family, you can’t go off half-cocked, assuming your buddy is on the same page as you.  You’ve got to talk about it. Sit down and discuss what it is you each want to achieve, and what kind of timeline you each have in mind.

Your new life partner may want to have children, but may want to wait a year or four until you’re settled in a home of your own. You, on the other hand, may be dying to get pregnant. Step #2 is to work out a time frame that meets both your needs.

Which brings us to Step #3: make a plan that lets you achieve this dream without putting your new family at risk financially. Will you live on one income and bank the rest so you can save up for a down payment on a home? Will you practice living on one income so that when baby does come along you have a big fat slush fund to supplement your paltry maternity benefits? Will you delay your family long enough to get your student loans paid off? Figure out what’s important to both of you and plan together to make your real life work.

Now that you’re married and moving forward together, you can use each other’s strengths to keep you on track. Share your dreams. Talk about your expectations. And make a plan that takes you from where you are now to where you want to be. Working as a team, you can make all your dreams come true.


Gail Vaz-Oxlade is the host of “Til Debt Do U$ Part” and “Princess” on Slice. Gail blogs daily at her website, gailvazoxlade.com. Gail’s book, Debt-Free Forever, published by HarperCollins shot to the top of the bestseller list in 2010. Her latest book, Never Too Late, is poised to do the same thing in 2011.